Things you'll never hear me say...

"Mmmmm... I could go for a tuna sandwich and some cranberry sauce followed by a cup of Jello topped with Cool Whip."

"Wow. Those Syfy movie actresses are incredibly talented."

"I'd like to be a beekeeper."

"I wish Brody would shed this heavily all year long."

"Excuse me sir, that comb-over is exquisite." 

"I enjoy when children chase each other throughout the aisles of the market screaming, I wouldn't prefer that their parent keeps control of them at all." 

"I'd like to spend the weekend taking down wallpaper... and then putting a border in every room."

"I hope my daughter grows up to be just like those nice Teen Moms... or Amanda Bynes." 

"I believe that people should act superior, shallow and braggy - you know, just like the gems they idolize on those reality television shows."

"I'll just leave this mail on the table and boxes and magazines on the counter and toys all over the floor, I don't mind a mess."

"Ooh! let's go sit under that tree."

"I haven't shaved my legs in two days."

"I don't mind driving down city, all those one-ways are delightful."

"What is the name of that movie where Jack Nicholson tries to kill his family in a hotel? Whatever it is it's terrible."

"Let's invite the neighbors over for a cookout."

"Those wedge high-top sneakers are adorable."



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