15 randoms

1. It never fails when in the morning, after initial chores, the very second when I sit in my uncomfortable chair and fix the three awkward pillows behind my back just so and reach for my coffee to have the very first sip while it's hot - Brody barks from outside for me to get up, go into the kitchen, obtain a cookie and hand it to him through the slider door.

2. I hate having to walk past people looking for donations when I come out of (or walk into) a store. I mean, I get it - most of us have had to do it at one point or another for school or what not... but I've come to realize that it's easier to just give a buck rather than awkwardly fooling with keys or sunglasses ... or pretending that a seagull is chasing me.

3. Much to my surprise, I absolutely love Instagram. I am such a fan. I love looking at creative photos from strangers across the globe. I find that my favorites are mostly from the Netherlands and Australia. I participate in blogger Fat Mum Slim's photo-a-day challenge and I love it. It's not easy to fit the prompts on a daily basis - but it's a great creative outlet. {I'm @sherib0bbins by the way}.

4. I've created a little Chapstick-loving monster. Scarlett sees me apply Chapstick and lip gloss routinely and is naturally intrigued. She now has her own special Hello Kitty lip balm and is not afraid to apply it all over her face. Liberally.

5. I tip well for a person of limited means. I can thank my harrowing days and nights as a waitress for that. For those of you who don't know this - servers rely on their tips, their paychecks are usually laughable. They are ordered around and often treated poorly on a daily basis. It's not a glamorous job, it's by no means an easy job and just think about what your world with be like without service workers. TIP them. And tip them well.

6. I really love watching old episodes of Who's the Boss. I'll tell ya, that Mona, she's a hot shit. And I love the dynamic between Tony and Angela. It's both funny and a little sad to watch shows that I enjoyed as a kid and now side with the "older" characters.

7. The foods that I seem to eat the most of are: eggs, whole grain bread, chicken breast, beans, greens, turkey, dark chocolate, pizza, cheese and frozen yogurt. Quite an odd mix there.

8. Soon, our new living room chairs will be delivered! Gregg and I each picked out a new seat back in early December, on our anniversary. My old recliner was shown the curb in November and his is on its last leg. We bought those when we moved into our first apartment ten years ago, it was a good run. We are planning to break them in by spending a very comfortable night watching movies by the fire.

9. I watched that Lifetime Movie Network remake of Flowers in the Attic. Hoo Boy. I mean, the original had a cheese factor too but at least it was haunting and kept me nervous. I assume when someone "remakes" a film their intention is to make it better than the original... right? Definitely fell short on this one. Nine times out of ten I watch movies like this just to see the creepy old house. {One of my many obsessions}.

10. Pet peeve #23: I greatly dislike when I'm in line in a store and the customer in front of me is being super friendly and smiley and is truly pleasant - only to be met with the grumpiest of all cashiers. I feel like I always have to chime in and intercept their friendliness so they don't feel badly. I know some cashiers aren't thrilled with their position... but kindness is kindness. We take it where we can get it. And we should always give it back.

11. I love Valentine's Day decorations. I know the day itself is corny and a big money-making scheme but I enjoy pink, white and red and I LOVE heart-shaped everything. Gregg and I don't do flowers or candy (okay sometimes candy), we don't go out to dinner or anything but you know I'm scouring the shelves for clearance items to pepper my home with for everyday enjoyment.

12. I like Maxwell House Master Blend. There I've said it. I grew up on it. I used to brew it in a Farberware percolator for the best piping hot cup. When the Keurig came along I still chose MH. I just use the refillable K-Cup everyday. Of course I like Dunkin and Starbucks. But at home I'm a Maxwell House girl.

13. Even though Scarlett isn't a baby anymore I still sometimes tear up when singing her lullabies. Baby Mine? Did you ever try that one? "Rest your head close to my heart, never to part, baby of mine" ... ugh.

14. I feel like I can never see another movie in a theater and be fine with it. I don't know, the big screen somehow lost its luster for me when HD TVs came out. I'm happier watching in my living room draped in fleece with frozen yogurt.

15. "Drunk Uncle" is currently my favorite SNL character. I get the whole "Make it a treat" thing but I wish he was on more often.

twenty-five sheri facts you thought you could live without knowing ...

1. My preferred method of yogurt stirring is by butter knife.

2. The first time I was pulled over by police I got out of the car - shit almost got REAL.

3. I refer to Pete Rose a LOT when making fun of random hairstyles.

4. Reading Rainbow is a beloved favorite of mine. Anyone remember the "Miss Nelson is Back" episode? Come on!! That was GOLD.

5. I once lost my mother's original wedding band while on a sailboat. I blame the slip-off on the tanning oil and yes, I've felt guilty ever since. (I'm never letting Scarlett anywhere near my wedding rings).

6. I don't feel comfortable in my own backyard - I always feel like the neighbors are going to peek out and point and laugh at me. And I don't know why I care if they do.

7. I've always had a sort of fascination for the morbid. Growing up I had a lot of horror movies and books about serial killers - along with my stuffed animals of course.

8. As a reformed smoker (11 years!) I really can't bring myself to even buy a pack of cigarettes for someone - and god forbid I inhale second-hand smoke...

9. I would love to work in a library.

10. One of my favorite snacks is nutella slathered on golden oat Bel Vita biscuits.

11. It takes me a reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally long time to let things go - especially situations in which I've been treated unfairly.

12. If I could eat one meal for the rest of my life it would be eggplant parmesan with pasta and a delicious salad, italian bread, glasses of red wine and water followed by ice cream.

13. Analog clocks can still trip me up from time to time. I've always been a words girl - I just hate numbers.

14. Once while hiking my friends and I were nearly ten miles lost in 90+ degree weather with our only water supply from streams we came across. We ended up having to hitchhike back to our car.

15. I am not a fan of the circus. Not a fan of clowns, not a fan of chained animals, not a fan of loud noises or bright flashes.

16. I don't really eat red meat... or much pork. I'm more of a poultry kinda girl.

17. I hardly ever answer my home phone or my front door. Peddle your goods elsewhere, gang.

18. I had always wanted and recently got my first iPhone. I'd take my Windows phone back in a heartbeat.

19. I had two imaginary friends when I was very young and they went by the names of Noonie and Bernantha. I haven't yet ruled out writing a children's book about them.

20. I have written several children's books but can't seem to get them published. They reserve those slots for people like Katie Couric and Leann Rimes these days.

21. I have an engraved bracelet that reads, Scarlett June, you're my moon and I won't leave the house without it on my right wrist.

22. My teeth are cavity free.

23. My favorite cocktail is a Grey Goose and tonic with lemon.

24. I really hate: the terms chick flicks and girls night out, the phrase You Go Girl and most bachelorette parties. I'm not your normal gal.

25. I'd love to start a business with my creative friends --- who's putting up the dough??

Things you'll never hear me say...

"Mmmmm... I could go for a tuna sandwich and some cranberry sauce followed by a cup of Jello topped with Cool Whip."

"Wow. Those Syfy movie actresses are incredibly talented."

"I'd like to be a beekeeper."

"I wish Brody would shed this heavily all year long."

"Excuse me sir, that comb-over is exquisite." 

"I enjoy when children chase each other throughout the aisles of the market screaming, I wouldn't prefer that their parent keeps control of them at all." 

"I'd like to spend the weekend taking down wallpaper... and then putting a border in every room."

"I hope my daughter grows up to be just like those nice Teen Moms... or Amanda Bynes." 

"I believe that people should act superior, shallow and braggy - you know, just like the gems they idolize on those reality television shows."

"I'll just leave this mail on the table and boxes and magazines on the counter and toys all over the floor, I don't mind a mess."

"Ooh! let's go sit under that tree."

"I haven't shaved my legs in two days."

"I don't mind driving down city, all those one-ways are delightful."

"What is the name of that movie where Jack Nicholson tries to kill his family in a hotel? Whatever it is it's terrible."

"Let's invite the neighbors over for a cookout."

"Those wedge high-top sneakers are adorable."



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don't piss me off, Art

I step in Brody's slobbery drool with bare feet and stamp it all over the house until I can get to a towel.

They have coupons in the fliers for every other razor on the planet but the two that Gregg and I use.

My Keurig denies me a full cup of coffee.

Airplanes wake me up at 3am. WE HAD A DEAL!!!!!!

Someone puts a hand or paw through a screen door or window.

People buy their kids those high-pitched whistles at events. You know the ones I'm talking about.

I see Kanye West's face anywhere. I just wanna punch that stupid mouth (and ego).

I buy those select-a-size paper towels by mistake. I loathe them.

Young girls wear ass-revealing shorts and you just know that their parents bought them.

I find cigarette butts on the beach. Even in my heaviest smoking days I had the decency to take my trash home with me.

I forget clothes in the dryer for hours on end.

I see dogs sliding around in the back of a pickup truck.

The song Daylight by Maroon 5 is on - anywhere, anytime.

Drive-thru-ers have a laundry list of shit to buy. GO INSIDE. I need a coffee, ya lazy ass. (ummm I just heard you say, Why don't YOU go inside you lazy ass!? I thought we were cool).

I finally go to use sour cream and it expired like two days prior.

You have to play the stupid driver game at a four way stop.

I obsess over wanting to get bangs cut, finally do and then immediately pin them up until they grow out.

Scarlett falls asleep in the car for two minutes thus ruining her nap for the entire day.

People don't return their carts to the designated spaces - unless they have a good reason like they're carrying two babies or their arms just fell off - but normally I'm somewhat positive it's just laziness.

What do YOU think?

A few thoughts that have been rattling around in my head lately...


Allstate's slogan should be changed to, "Allstate. We are the absolute worst!"

For someone who claims to be obsessed with The Wizard of Oz, it's not like I read all the books or even saw the new movie. Maybe I should just start saying, Yeah, I like The Wizard of Oz. 

"Never turn your back on the ocean" is the equivalent of "Never turn your back on a toddler who's recently learned they can cram things up their nose."

I probably should've gone to school for Meteorology.

Dinner doesn't have to be fancy. It can consist of random pantry and freezer ingredients and although it may look unappealing it won't kill you. I'm pretty sure anyway.

I really and truly am just super horrible at growing something green. A Pot. Soil. Water. Sunlight. WHAT is the problem??? 

Why does that back corner in CVS always smell like shit?? I am officially unable to buy face wash or moisturizer there, I just can't hold my breath for that long.

At some point people become elderly and stop getting very much attention and probably very few compliments. And that breaks my heart.

Materialistic and braggy people are some of my least favorite. It matters less about your car and more about what comes out of your mouth.

I still think thunder is awesome... when it's not 2 am.

Does anyone besides my mother and myself still balance their checkbook? 

I hate balancing the checkbook.

I love when mornings feel like Fall in mid-June.

I wish Brody had the ability to recognize that the landscapers cutting the neighbor's lawn come every week and have done so for years and they aren't there to piss him off and he needn't alert me for twenty-five minutes every single time.

I also wish the world would stop making morons famous. 

 

you may or may not know...

...

I am really enjoying deck of cards workouts these days. I like to create new ones all the time to keep things interesting and depending on how much time I have. They may sound like the lazy man's workout because they are relatively short but they kick my ass every time!

I shuffle playlists on my iPod for every at-home meal with Scarlett. She definitely has her favorites: Float On by Modest Mouse, Fortunate Son by Creedence Clearwater Revival, Rihanna's Where Have You Been, Ho Hey by The Lumineers and Locked Out Of Heaven by Bruno Mars are probably her top five.

I can talk myself out of anything. Like when I realllllly want an afternoon cup of coffee I first have to lecture myself on the importance of drinking enough water each day. I almost always refill my water bottle. I'm a pain in my own ass.

I can't hear the song American Woman by The Guess Who and NOT think of Kevin Spacey in American Beauty. Can anyone?

I am a huge fan of Rachel Zoe and The Rachel Zoe Project, though you'd never know it judging by my own style. Sidenote: Gregg loathes him some RZ.

I'd much rather shovel snow for two hours than rake leaves for one.

I am a big fan of Autumn and Winter. Spring and Summer - while picknicky and beachy - are filled with bugs and sweat. I'll take a pumpkin patch, a chilly backyard fire and a snowman allllllll day.

My mother has gotten me addicted to roasted red pepper sandwiches for lunch. I like to toast them with basil, parsley and cheese. Best Lunch Evahhhh.

My favorite word is apothecary.

I'm pretty confident that I could write a screenplay based on some of my dreams.

I suck at growing plants.

I know way too many movies word for word.

One of my favorite scents is fresh cut grass.

One of my least favorite scents is Brody. His feet smell like Fritos and his breath like a rat carcass - which is probably because he has always just eaten some form of yard rodent.

I like to watch The Biggest Loser with Gregg while eating snacks.

I now feel self conscious when out in public wearing a hoodie thanks to all those episodes of What Not To Wear. What was once a staple in my wardrobe is now only worn on occasion to my mother's house or the grocery store. I just know there's secret footage being collected.

I make no apologies for enjoying television. Lord knows we pay enough for it.

{I just filled my water bottle rather than making coffee}

I call my mailman Wiggy McDuck ... behind his back of course. But it's okay because he seems like a lazy jerk. Sidenote: Gregg came up with Wiggy due to his unruly, fluffy mane and I added McDuck because of his stupid lippy mouth.

I recently asked a police officer for help with Scarlett's car seat. He had no idea how to fix it and wasn't the slightest bit concerned about her safety. That pissed me off.

In my ongoing quest to save money I keep buttonhooking myself. For instance- switching insurance companies last year has actually cost us more money than we've saved. (Please note: Allstate sucks for homeowners). I should also stop making allowances for giant playhouses for Scarlett and $17 shampoo for myself. HEY! I buy it when it's on sale and I have Extra Bucks! Get off my back.

I made the switch from Bare Minerals to BB Cream in December and there is no going back. Stuff is GOLD.

I'm wicked particular about bananas. They could be perfectly ripe inside but if that skin has a certain amount of brown spots on it - I ain't eatin' it.

I love jeggings. THAT'S RIGHT! JEGGINGS! A friend of mine told me of their value last year and I was super hesitant but tried them last Fall - they are fantastic! Nobody can tell they aren't jeans - they feel and look like jeans, they have pockets like jeans - it's my little secret! Well, not anymore of course. You need to try them - you'll never fit into your boots neater or more comfortably! I recently got my friend to try them and - while she is mortified at the thought of them - she LOVES THEM. Take THAT, sloppy, wrinkly, puckery jean overage!

Sometimes I feel like writing blog posts but have nothing to discuss so I just babble on about myself in some sort of evil trance of vanity and narcissism. It's kinda my thing.

A Paper Chatterbox

 I am linking up with The Lightning and the Lightning Bug for the

Flicker of Inspiration Prompt #46: The Way We Were

"Tell us about you. Write an old photograph in text form, where we can say,

"Oh! Gosh, it hardly looks like the person I know, and yet still so recognizable!" 

Tell us about the you that was and, in many ways, still is."

That's me. Little Sheri. Little Casual Sheri, circa 1980. Hands in the pockets of a favorite pair of jeans. Or maybe it was Mom's favorite pair of jeans for me. Hair playfully pulled back into what could be called horse-tails rather than pig or ponytails given the thickness of it. A big grin that was no doubt due to a special lunch of Ramen noodles and "red" Kool Aid followed by some Sesame Street on the television. It was the little things that made me happy. 

It still is. 

I am still very much this little girl. In my everyday jeans, with my notoriously thick hair and a playful spirit. Still finding it hard to take most things seriously. Still smiling when I have my favorite meal, though the menu has changed quite a bit. And still making you listen.

Little Sheri was a beloved and creative chatterbox. I say beloved in a semi-sarcastic tone. I am quite sure I annoyed more than a few souls with my endless tales including greats like, "Baby Beth Took the Chocolate Chip Cookie." I was always making up stories. My mind was a colorful dreamland of characters and scenarios. I was probably three or four years old in this picture, right around the time that I introduced my family to my imaginary friends, Noonie and Bernantha. Noonie lived behind the television and refused to put a coat on when he went out to get his mail from the mailbox. Bernantha had very long hair (probably due to my fascination with Crystal Gayle at the time) and that's all I remember about her. I didn't sit and have pretend tea with these characters - I was too busy creating a world for them to exist in. I loved my world. I loved rainbows and music and story time at the library. I lived without fear and I loved my home.

I remain a storyteller, though most of my material has changed. I'm no longer tugging at the hem of your shirt, bending your ear with tall tales about dolls until you ask me to kindly go take my nap. Instead, I pour my overflowing nonsense into my blog or facebook statuses or tweets. I may not be speaking about Noonie's afternoon stroll but most likely writing about some mundane trip to WalMart or why I intend to clothesline my neighbor's prick son. To keep my silly "Little Sheri" side fresh and satisfied I write children's books. Sure, they  haven't been published yet but it doesn't stop me from sending them out over and over again. I am a mental chatterbox to the core. Rhymes and sentences pop into my head and I just have to write them down until I know where they're supposed to go. And I always find a home for them. I only wish I could have written down the stories I harbored when I was three.

Thirty two years may have passed but I'm still Little Casual Sheri. Still a bit rough around the edges. Still a spitfire. Still a lover of rainbows and music and the home that I've now created for myself. A chatterbox on paper, making her presence known. Forever in blue jeans - whether the world likes it or not.