Treasure your moments...

Today, I stood in the snow at my grandmother's grave. My mother, as always, brought the sweetest arrangement of seasonal flowers and little ornaments for her mother and father. We always make a few comments about them and how nice they are... followed by comments on how disgusting it is that they will be tossed in the dumpster or resold by the jerks who take them away after a few weeks. For shame. 

I hadn't gotten a chance to change my boots from earlier in the day so I was naturally wearing inappropriate footwear for snow-trudging. We joked as the buckles kept coming unsnapped as I pulled each foot out of the mounds of snow. Foolish girl with zero grace. We cleaned off the grave stone, arranged the flowers and took our moments. It was in those moments that I had the best holiday montage play in my mind. It was of nearly every holiday that I'd spent with my grandmother for all of our forty years together. The images were so vivid. The happiness that I saw and felt was so pure. And at that point I was reminded that I hadn't really lost my grandmother. I lost the ability to make future memories with her. And, while that feels immense a lot of the time, it's always comforting to look back with such admiration on the countless times we shared together. 

I am always telling the girls that it's never about the things that we GET it's always about the time that we spend together with the people that we love. We could be doing the simplest thing together and that will be cemented in our memory forever. For example, one of my most treasured memories with my grandmother is of us watching a TV adaptation of What Ever Happened to Baby Jane on a Thanksgiving Eve. Part of the reason I think it stuck with me is because I was so happy to be allowed to stay up until it ended at 11 pm. Another reason is because Lynn Redgrave was semi-terrifying in that role. Either way, Gram and I shared a love for thrillers. I remember watching Hitchcock with her and sharing books like Rosemary's Baby. You'd never think it to look at her but she did love her a creepy tale. 

Holidays will never pass without me reminiscing. In so many ways Gram WAS our holiday. She would come to our house the night before and help prepare the meal. She always cleaned the turkey for Thanksgiving (because my mother skeeved it beyond belief). I can't tell you how many Christmas mornings I stood layering lasagna with her... I remember how she always took a little of the ricotta mixture for herself. 

It truly is the little things that make the fondest memories. It's not about getting that bike when you were ten. It's that someone ate the entire bowl of onion dip with their hands. It's about getting the giggles during Midnight Mass and possibly exchanging words with the people sitting in front of you while your mother sat mortified beside you pretending to shrink into her pocketbook. It's about anxiously awaiting the arrival of your Christmas Eve dinner guest, staring out the front window, steamy from when you'r mom drained the pasta. It's the joy on the faces of everyone you love. 

It's in those moments that we are most human. Let's have all of those moments this week, the week after that and every week following. 

Don't lose sight of what brings you joy. It's been a tough year no doubt - but even when the gatherings are small there are still big moments to cherish. 

Wishing you all the happiest of holidays. Cheers to 2021! Hoping it brings good health and joy to you all. 

(This one's for you, Gram).

With love,

Sheri 

A little eval time ...

Whew. 

Here we are. The weather is finally showing me some love... leaves on the ground, beautiful color out there nice and early due to the heinous drought. Silver lining. An occasional hoodie or sweater has been worn. Turned the heat on a bit to cozy it up. I can feel the shift. I am in a much better place now.  

We are just a few weeks into distance learning and it is going just okay. It is by no means "the easy way out." We are putting in a LOT of work every single day. It is absolutely exhausting most days. I am teaching Daisy everyday - Math, Religion, Social Studies and Phonics. She has a super nice teacher who she meets with briefly several times each week and gets to see her classmates and friends which she loves. I don't want her to be separated from her class and teacher and all of the fun that goes along with Kindergarten but this is the best choice for us. It's not an easy choice, it's not without a deep commitment, super busy schedule, extreme organization, sadness or guilt but it is still the best choice for us. 

Scarlett's teacher is also fantastic. She is focusing heavily on math and reading and doing very well. Scarlett will be making her First Communion in a couple of weeks. It will look very different this year. Just immediate family. No pictures in church. No reception. We will find a way to make it special for her nonetheless. 

What a crazy time we are living in. I am seeing so much division and so much finger pointing and judging. I don't understand why people have to tear apart the personal decisions of others. I see things that I don't agree with everyday and I'm not going to run my mouth about it and make someone feel like garbage. Where does that get me? Aren't we all just doing what works best for us? 

I'm going to be totally honest here. This year has been an absolute game changer for me. Maybe it's my age, maybe it's having had life come to a dead halt in March. Maybe it was the extra down time this summer in which I took to reflect on the person that I am. We know who we are, right? Hmm. Do we? Maybe somewhere down the line we take a deeper look. And maybe then things seem a bit clearer and it all clicks into place. Maybe we don't want to continue to do things the way we've always done them. ("What you allow is what will continue") Maybe we decide to take care of ourselves a little bit more than we had all those years. There might be an initial struggle with the idea that we are being selfish  ...  but we aren't. Self care and self love have never been my strong suits. I will badger my girls everyday to make certain that they know they are amazing and that they do great things. But I never told myself those things or believed those things throughout my life. So now, I am reflecting. Slowly accepting that I am totally worthy of taking time for myself to do things that make me happy. Now more than ever. Maybe my decisions make you unhappy sometimes. Maybe I don't participate in everything I've done in the past. Maybe I change up whatever the hell I want because it's my life and I can do that.

Bottom line is: Check in with yourself. Are you happy doing things the way you've always done them? Just because it's "how it is" or it's the "routine." Stop it. You can change anything you want. At any time. You might ruffle a few feathers but people will get over it - and if they don't ... who needs that kind of negativity? It is your life after all. I am sticking up for all of the people being judged right now. Do what works for YOU. As long as you are putting out good things and not being a jerk - life can be a whole lot better than it has been. Promise. 

Happy Sunday!

xo 

What's getting me by...

Happy Saturday, gang! 

I haven't felt like posting in a while but today I figured I'd pop by for a few. I hope you are all feeling well and able to enjoy some of the weekend. It's rainy here but I've always been a fan of the gloom. It's a day of laundry and cleaning and organizing ... much like every other single day of my life.  

I am writing this by the hum of the dryer and the welcomed sounds of Christmas music playing from my iTunes. That's right. Sing it, Mr. Como. 

Lately, I've been in a pretty good groove. Sure, things around me are exploding and crumbling to the ground but we are managing this household with grace. HAHAHAHA. Sorry, I cannot pretend that I have one ounce of grace. Not even for a second. But we are muddling through as best we can. We have been keeping our circle small and finding allllll the ways to keep the girls engaged, active, creative and happy. Thank you, Intex, for your weird yet adequate pool. It is the only way we can stand the unacceptable heat of the summer in our backyard. We all know I'm not traipsing through a forest until every last bug has died and the temp drops below 60. It will come. It always does. 

The idea that Fall is on its way is just enough to propel me through this insane hurdle that is "Back to School." We have opted to continue with distance learning and I feel good about that. I empathize with every teacher out there. These are titanic decisions to be made and are no doubt exhausting. Thank you for giving up your summer to do your best as always. I only hope that seeing a chunky, rust colored sweater in Target will bring you a fraction of the joy that it brings me. 

In just a few days I will be switching out my most dreaded calendar block (May, June, July, August) for my absolute favorite (September, October, November, December). I know, it seems insane to even bring this up in a blog post but I've done it. And I've probably done it in the past as well but we all know how polished my memory is. I cannot wait for the crisp mornings. Being able to sit out on the deck without sweating and buzzing sounds. NOT watering flowers. Can we just accept the fact that I don't enjoy plants. I feel like they try to please with their beauty and benefits but it's just not enough for me. I don't know what I'm doing, I kill them... or stunt them... overwater or underwater. I find myself sneering at them. They know they're unappreciated and they act accordingly. It's mutual really. Give me some mums on the front steps for a month. I can do that. 

I have spent a LOT of time watching Christmas and Winter themed Hallmark movies. I'm a changed woman. I know now that I was meant to live in a mountain town with kind folk and a super charming Main Street. I should be wearing fair isle sweaters and scarves and spending all of my time baking goodies for my little shop on my husband's tree farm. Traveling only by horse-drawn sleigh and having at least one spontaneous snowball fight weekly. Warm drinks in my hand all day and night. Hygge forever! Seriously though, I am hooked on the dreamy idea that people really do live that way. And I really do dream of being one of them. 

I'm off to crank the central air, make some hot chocolate and throw some ice at my kids. Gotta start somewhere, right? 

Have a great weekend! 

xo