My lunacy and my wellness...

It is no secret to those who know me that I have never really been very comfortable in my own skin. I've gone through many, many stages in my life - much like everyone else - but that one thing has always been a constant. Be it among a group of close friends or a group of total strangers it seems I'm forever agonizing over something in my mind while holding a conversation...

Is this shirt clinging to my rolls? Can you see the bra bulge from this angle? Should I sit instead of stand? Can they see my eyebrows sweating or is that just for me to enjoy? My skin looks dry, I should've used a different lotion. Do I take my sunglasses off to seem more approachable? Why do I stand with my arms crossed?! Such a bully pose! Skinny jeans with these thighs - who do I think I am? Can I wear boots in May, is that weird? Why do I buy so many sleeveless tops? I shouldn't even be wearing them with these arms. I have carried the same bag for a solid year, people must think ... 

Stop right there. People must think... People must think WHAT??

I am a lunatic in my mind. Sometimes the lunacy comes out of my mouth but believe it or not I keep it to myself about 92% of the time. When I actually stop to think about what I'm obsessing/worrying about I quickly realize that NOBODY is thinking about any of this shit. Nobody is looking at my skin's moisture level. Not a single soul has noticed that I've carried the same bag for more than twelve months. No one cares a lick if I wear sunglasses or not. Granted, there may be people that have noticed my thick thighs, my un-toned arms and my springtime footwear choice BUT I am quite certain that after their glance they moved on with their life.

Ugh.

I have been this way since I was about nine. That is SUCH a long time to feel like crap about yourself. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I feel ugly and heinous all the time. I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT. I have moments where I feel comfortable/satisfactory. It is important to feel good in what I'm wearing - if I can do that then my day is pretty easy. If I stray and try to wear something that isn't "me" that's where I get into trouble. I think some of that junk stems from my watching episodes of What Not To Wear. I realize that most of what I choose to wear is a no-no. But ya know what? I'm a jeans and t-shirt kinda girl. Put me in a blouse and I want to light shit on fire. I can't conform. I don't want a sensible pant suit. I look like a dumpy snowman in sweaters, I prefer a sweatshirt. I own exactly one pair of "pants" and I've never worn them. I'm pretty sure I can get through the rest of my life wearing what I want rather than what style experts recommend for my "type."

I lost forty pound about two years ago and I still wear oversized clothing. I think that's just so deeply rooted in me but I am working on moving forward. Moving out of my comfort zone is done at a baby snail's pace for certain. I want so badly for my outer appearance to reflect how fit and healthy I finally feel/AM. I'll admit that still looking "out of shape" makes me feel unhappy. I've worked hard but I know I have to work harder. I've recently started a new workout schedule and so far it's a winner. Seeing and feeling results right away makes it so much easier to keep putting in that work. I've continued my clean eating lifestyle for nearly two years now. {Confession: I am addicted to gluten free pretzels but hey, we all have our vices. Wink.}

I'm a work in progress but I can tell you that I've never felt as good as I do now. I'm forty. I WISH I felt this way at fifteen. Or twenty-five. Or thirty-two. It's all about your mindset. When you are truly ready to make that change you go hard. If any of you are feeling stuck in a rut, out of shape, out of breath, out of energy, out of options - please message me and I will let you know how you can take steps to change that. My girl, Joanna aka GetRealGal, can and will help you. I promise you it is easier than you think to make these changes. You start small and you win big. Working on your wellness is always worth it.

xo

you may or may not know...

...

I am really enjoying deck of cards workouts these days. I like to create new ones all the time to keep things interesting and depending on how much time I have. They may sound like the lazy man's workout because they are relatively short but they kick my ass every time!

I shuffle playlists on my iPod for every at-home meal with Scarlett. She definitely has her favorites: Float On by Modest Mouse, Fortunate Son by Creedence Clearwater Revival, Rihanna's Where Have You Been, Ho Hey by The Lumineers and Locked Out Of Heaven by Bruno Mars are probably her top five.

I can talk myself out of anything. Like when I realllllly want an afternoon cup of coffee I first have to lecture myself on the importance of drinking enough water each day. I almost always refill my water bottle. I'm a pain in my own ass.

I can't hear the song American Woman by The Guess Who and NOT think of Kevin Spacey in American Beauty. Can anyone?

I am a huge fan of Rachel Zoe and The Rachel Zoe Project, though you'd never know it judging by my own style. Sidenote: Gregg loathes him some RZ.

I'd much rather shovel snow for two hours than rake leaves for one.

I am a big fan of Autumn and Winter. Spring and Summer - while picknicky and beachy - are filled with bugs and sweat. I'll take a pumpkin patch, a chilly backyard fire and a snowman allllllll day.

My mother has gotten me addicted to roasted red pepper sandwiches for lunch. I like to toast them with basil, parsley and cheese. Best Lunch Evahhhh.

My favorite word is apothecary.

I'm pretty confident that I could write a screenplay based on some of my dreams.

I suck at growing plants.

I know way too many movies word for word.

One of my favorite scents is fresh cut grass.

One of my least favorite scents is Brody. His feet smell like Fritos and his breath like a rat carcass - which is probably because he has always just eaten some form of yard rodent.

I like to watch The Biggest Loser with Gregg while eating snacks.

I now feel self conscious when out in public wearing a hoodie thanks to all those episodes of What Not To Wear. What was once a staple in my wardrobe is now only worn on occasion to my mother's house or the grocery store. I just know there's secret footage being collected.

I make no apologies for enjoying television. Lord knows we pay enough for it.

{I just filled my water bottle rather than making coffee}

I call my mailman Wiggy McDuck ... behind his back of course. But it's okay because he seems like a lazy jerk. Sidenote: Gregg came up with Wiggy due to his unruly, fluffy mane and I added McDuck because of his stupid lippy mouth.

I recently asked a police officer for help with Scarlett's car seat. He had no idea how to fix it and wasn't the slightest bit concerned about her safety. That pissed me off.

In my ongoing quest to save money I keep buttonhooking myself. For instance- switching insurance companies last year has actually cost us more money than we've saved. (Please note: Allstate sucks for homeowners). I should also stop making allowances for giant playhouses for Scarlett and $17 shampoo for myself. HEY! I buy it when it's on sale and I have Extra Bucks! Get off my back.

I made the switch from Bare Minerals to BB Cream in December and there is no going back. Stuff is GOLD.

I'm wicked particular about bananas. They could be perfectly ripe inside but if that skin has a certain amount of brown spots on it - I ain't eatin' it.

I love jeggings. THAT'S RIGHT! JEGGINGS! A friend of mine told me of their value last year and I was super hesitant but tried them last Fall - they are fantastic! Nobody can tell they aren't jeans - they feel and look like jeans, they have pockets like jeans - it's my little secret! Well, not anymore of course. You need to try them - you'll never fit into your boots neater or more comfortably! I recently got my friend to try them and - while she is mortified at the thought of them - she LOVES THEM. Take THAT, sloppy, wrinkly, puckery jean overage!

Sometimes I feel like writing blog posts but have nothing to discuss so I just babble on about myself in some sort of evil trance of vanity and narcissism. It's kinda my thing.

Monday minute by minute

Wow, is it Monday already? Lucky for you - you get to read about my super duper, hair-raising, crazy exciting Monday! (Hope you all felt the sarcasm dripping from that last sentence).

Let's get started, shall we?

Today started off like any other day; I got out of bed. After boring morning chores and a shower I decided to make what has thankfully become a monthly (instead of bi-weekly) trip to Walmart. I called my mom to see if she'd like to watch the pea while I took a trek. She delightfully accepted and, in fact, baby-napped my girl - whisking her away to Grammie-land.

I got myself ready in "old Sheri" fashion. Meaning I chose clothes that maybe aren't What Not To Wear approved but they make me feel like me, and I love that. Lately, I've been knocking around in dark-washed jeans hemmed to perfection for a flat shoe with a neat-looking shirt and age-appropriate jacket. Truth is, I hate jackets, I hate hemmed jeans and I hate flats. Who am I trying to impress? And why am I looking so mom-ish? I like a loose shirt with a cute hoodie. And I like my old pre-pregnancy jeans that have a teeny bit of that gasp-inducing 'fading down the front of the leg' look and are way too long for flats because I LOVE HEELS. I'm short! I like jeans that hit the ground and show just a little of my shoes or boots a la Jessica Simpson. So here's what 5'1" old Sheri wore today:

...it's really not SO bad, Stacy & Clinton.

My trip to Walmart was almost a complete success! Pros: I didn't have to knock someone out in the parking lot, they had a generous supply of sanitizing wipes for the skeevy carriage, I found a few cute, cheap things to put into Scarlett's Easter basket, I had zero encounters with aisle-blockers. Cons: My carriage, albeit clean-handled, was a three-wheeler that allowed for resistance training while shopping, they were out of my humidifier filters, the unattractive smell of Subway sandwiches almost made me vomit upon entering the store. Cashier issue: She kept asking me "Are these tampons?" "Are THESE tampons?" confused by two different sized boxes. Just read the coupon, lady, will you? Man alive. I was waiting for her to hold up my Advil asking "Are THEEEEESE tampons?"

Little brightly-colored finds for Scarlett:

After setting up my new car air freshener (let's see whatchu got for me, Airwick) I headed home to put away my loot. Baby-free, I decided to watch a DVR'd episode of My So-Called Life. Don't you dare make fun of me, that show was GOLD when I was in high school and I enjoy it just as much now. Although now I kinda relate more to the parents which makes me a little sad and pissed off. Lounging in my recliner I noticed that there had been an accident while I was out and I quickly rectified the situation...

... I'm guessing airplane vibrations knocked miss Coraline down a peg. Or a book.

Lunch consisted of the other half of yesterday's deliciousssssssss eggplant focaccia w/fresh mozzarella, roasted red peppers, spinach leaves and of course eggplant, ding dong.

I'm about to wrap up my nephews birthday gift and then head over to my mom's to pick up my little darlin'.
That's Monday thus far!

Hope you are having a great one and hope you enjoyed today's post.