what to do with all that loot...

Alright so, last week we all held our breath as we checked our Powerball tickets - and then the majority of us likely sighed, frowned, growled and possibly kicked a trash can. The best part of that day was the millisecond before we read those numbers. But the night before was fun wasn't it? Dreaming of all that loot - the possibilities...

 

To help me cope with my loss I created a list of ways I would like to spend that ridiculously obscene amount of money, in random order of course. Enjoy ... 

I want a white and chrome SUV. I'm not all that particular about it - Mercedes, Acura, Lexus, Cadillac, Lincoln, Range Rover - what have you. White and chrome, brand spankin new, warranties out the ass... 

I'd like a seaside home. A big, beautiful home decorated to perfection. Endless hallways. Balconies everywhere. Sheer curtains. (Okay a landscaper, chef and housekeeper too, why not?)

I want to give my mom an island getaway/retreat kinda place. My mom needs to be able to take a break from her life. She takes care of my father - who has MS and can no longer walk or even stand - and the past couple of years have been rough. My mother can barely leave the house anymore and hardly has any time for herself. Along with this wish comes the wish for twenty-four hour care for my father in his home rather than a nursing facility. He's only sixty-three, I'd hate to see him in a place like that already. 

I want to help my friends. My friends are just like most of us - they have debt, they have mortgages, they have jobs that barely pay the bills - they are always behind or just caught up but never ahead. I have friends who are in desperate need of money to help with medical bills and fundraisers for their ailing family. I would help as many friends as possible. Wouldn't that be a great feeling?? 

I would go out to eat all the damn time. Sounds like I should be able to do this anytime, right? Nah. It's something I don't like to splurge on. I love this quote from an episode of Roseanne, "Food is supposed to keep you alive - it ain't supposed to provide entertainment value."  That being said, Gregg and I love to spend an afternoon having a couple of drinks and some calamari. We just make it a "treat."

I would buy the most awesome new Mac and all the latest versions of design programs. In my free time I love to blog but I also love graphic design. I am not a brilliant artist by any means but I do love to create -daily, if possible. And I know only what I've learned (or taught myself) thus far so I'd like to take classes to nail it all down and be a pro. Maybe I would also start a design and printing company. You know, cutesy invitations and cards, banners and signs and stuff. This way I could print whatever I want whenever I want - high quality - ya know without the card stock getting stuck in my cheap ass printer.

I'd love vacation homeS. Yes, plural. One in New Hampshire, Vermont, South Carolina, Oregon, Colorado, California, Fiji, Hawaii etc. Just kidding, kind of. I would like to spend a few weeks here or there whenever convenient - which would really be anytime as I would be living a life of carefree happiness.

I want tailor made clothing for all seasons. I would love to have a wardrobe that makes me feel GOOD and fits like a glove. A well-fitting glove, that is. I know I have some gloves that are just too big in the fingers because I have stubby hands - but anyway I digress. I'd love to be able to throw open the french doors to my gigantic, naturally-lit closet and just marvel at the choices. Rather than opening my uncool-retro mirrored closet door and growling about whether to wear the gray shirt or the turquoise one. Both of which are ill-fitting.

It's funny because I really couldn't think of too many things to put on this list. Sure, I could look around and point out frivolous upgrades in every room but all in all I'm very happy with what I have. I could use a new car and would love to renovate our home but other than that - I'm satisfied. Funny how money really only matters to those who don't have any to spare. Root of all evil, source of most stress... blah blah blah.
 
It's nice to dream about being filthy rich though, isn't it?

Maybe I should shut up

It is such a humbling experience when you are complaining about the annoyances or the bad luck that seems to be plaguing your life and you are met with tales of actual tragedy, health problems and horror. I find I am constantly reminding myself that It Could Always Be Worse. Maybe our financial situation isn't as desirable as we'd like for it to be. Maybe my dog is a HUGE pain in the ass (as I have even less tolerance for him since having Scarlett). Maybe one of our cars needs repairs, maybe I feel like I don't have enough quality time with my husband, maybe I feel overwhelmed by the amount of friends and family that want to see the baby. Maybe I LOATHE my street and everyone on it. Maybe I should shut up. Maybe I should watch the news and see men, women and children suffering and dying in the streets, no one to care for them. Maybe I should listen to a friend tell me that she recently learned she has cancer. Maybe I should realize that people are being put out of their homes for various reasons every single day. Maybe I should see my friend's heart filled with sadness because her dog is ill.

I'm not an ingrate. I'm not taking things for granted. I'm just guilty of forgetting sometimes. Forgetting that people have it far worse. Forgetting that I could so easily have it far worse.

I am thankful for everything I have. I am so blessed to be married to my soul-mate and to have a beautiful daughter that I couldn't have dreamed to be any more perfect. I'm thankful for the good health of my family. I'm forever indebted to my mother, who has bent over backwards to help me US in every single way she possibly can. I'm thankful for our home, which may come with a ridiculously high mortgage and may not be sitting on the most desirable street in the world but it's OUR home and it's filled with love.

I need to continuously remind myself to make my problems smaller. In the big scheme of things - what's a car repair? What's a barking dog? What's a few credit cards? Nothing. A mere drop in the ol' crap bucket. If you have your health, you have it all, baby. And as long as I have my health I'm going to live happily. So cheers to our years!

it'$ okay...

So how come every time things take a turn for the worse, financially, I convince myself to buy scratch tickets?? Does this seem highly irrational to anyone else? I assume it is my panic defense mechanism. Well sure we don't have enough money to buy Christmas gifts for 20 people, cross Brody's vet visit off the list or fix the furnace BUT maybe this twenty bucks could win us millions instead of buying us more turkey sandwiches... Apparently this is my thought process.

Over and over again I find myself sitting at the dining room table with a pen, calculator, notepad, stack of bills and bottle of red wine just trying to make sense of my life. Okay, so I don't always use a calculator. Kidding, I take care of my finances without the use of alcohol, thank you. I prepare a new budget several times a year (when the scary occasion calls for it). I know how much money is coming in and the amount designated to every conceivable genre of expense yet SOMEHOW I manage to blow past that boundary time and time again. I read all of the silly articles about 'the best way to manage your money' - which, by the way, all contradict each other. I constantly try new systems and stay on top of our accounts daily but, again, Faily McBrokepants.

I have come to realize that MOST of the living world (and some of the dead) have debt. I have also come to realize that this is a constant in life and beating myself up over it will do no good.  I learned that: pretty much everyone in my life lives paycheck to paycheck, going to a movie and out to dinner is becoming a thing of the past, we are lucky as hell to have two paid off cars that are in great condition and that it could ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS be so much worse.

So for anyone who is stressing over car repairs and rent and mortgages and groceries and clothing and the holidays - know that you are in GREAT company. The world suffers with you. Reality is not Hollywood. Maybe if they stopped making all of these ridiculous reality TV shows, we could get back to feeling comfortable about our own lives and stop giving a shit about theirs.