"this is the strangest life I've ever known..."

Today is April 23. Which means in two days I will be turning 37. Thirty.... seven. How on earth??

I don't actually mind the number at all - I am simply amazed at how quickly I've arrived at it. And at the same time in awe of the long road I've taken.

Roll back the calendar about fifteen or twenty years. You would most likely find me sitting on my bed in my blue-heavy bedroom burning incense and listening to The Doors, writing poetry and chain-smoking cigarettes, wearing a tie-dye shirt with my long hair hanging in my face. While I had several large circles of close friends and was a social person - I was very much alone in my own mind. Oh how I brooded. I was convinced I didn't have a place in this world. I wished that I'd been born decades earlier. And although I was boy-crazy from age four I just knew that I'd never find anyone that would look twice in my direction. Painfully insecure, I trudged through my days with bottles of Captain Morgan which basically acted as fifty pound weights on my ankles, anchoring me in my own hell. I desperately wanted to escape my reality. At age 36 I can look back upon that reality and say it wasn't that bad but going through it without knowledge or experience was a different story. Everyone has to fight their demons, everyone has a path to take.

My path has lead me here.

Sitting in my lovely home that I share with my beautiful family. Not my bed but a pretty rocking chair. Not my bedroom but a cozy living room. Not incense but a meadow-scented candle. Not The Doors but the sounds of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on the television. Not poetry but still writing. Not tie-dye but still a t-shirt. Long hair still in my face but the cigarettes have been gone for many, many years. Still insecure but never do I feel alone. My social circles have changed but not entirely - I've just built deeper friendships with fewer people. Perhaps the biggest change is that I no longer desire an escape route. I love what I've built - on my own and together with my husband.

I've accepted that no matter how hard I've tried there are just some things will probably never change like my incredible self-consciousness. And I guess that's okay. Because that's just the way I am...

and ...

I miss Rocky Point...

Yesterday morning, as I was reading blogs and drinking coffee, I heard a song on the television that stopped me dead in my recliner. It was Van Halen's Panama. I was instantly transported back in time about twenty-five years and I was listening to that very song on the Musik Express ride at Rocky Point while enjoying the breeze with my bestest friends.

Rocky Point Park was just awesome. When I was a kid it was the absolute coolest way to spend a day with friends. Our parents would usually come along and give us a time and place to meet at the end of the day. These were the best of those long days of summer vacation - packed with the feelings of freedom, invincibility and many, many crushes on many, many boys. We met up with friends and spent hours running from ride to ride, getting drinks and snacks from the various venders, playing games with cheesy prizes, cooling off on the log flume ride and enjoying every single second. Nights were even more fun as the sun set and the stage was set up for bands. The views overlooking the bay from the super high rides were just amazing. And I loved every ride, the slow, the fast and the scary - but the crazier the better. Rocky Point had something for everyone.

Oh, how I wish it hadn't closed. I wish it was still a functioning amusement park. And - even though I grew to loathe the Rocky Point Shore Dinner Hall after having worked there in my teens - I wish I could go right this second and sit by those big old windows enjoying the best clam-cakes around. I'd love to find a place like this to take Scarlett to. I want her to have a special place to look back on with such fond memories as these. We were so lucky to have what felt like a gigantic personal carnival in our hometown. I miss Rocky Point!!