June 24, 2017

In the quicksand ...

Well, well, well. Here I sit. Back in a very familiar position, though the view has changed some.

The last time I wrote was exactly one month before Daisy was born. After her entrance I made an easy decision to press pause on my blogging. I don't know exactly why. Focus, probably. I felt like I needed every ounce of energy to balance spending quality time with Scarlett while being completely consumed by a newborn. I'm still trying to figure out my balancing act.

When Daisy came into our world we were elated, just the same as we were with Scarlett. Unsure of how the dynamic would change and how we would all adjust, we welcomed her home excitedly. From the day we learned we were having another girl I can't even tell you how happy my heart felt. TWO GIRLS. SISTERS! Sundresses and sandals. Pastel-colored bedrooms! Best friends forever. My mind was always busy with visions of twirling little silly-hearts cartwheeling their way through life together.

It's been very sweet but maybe slightly less poetic.

Most days I look like a dumb octopus cartoon. One "arm" washing dishes, one swiffering the endless dog hair tumbleweeds, one cutting off the crusts, one folding leggings, one paying bills - while another uses a calculator because I still detest numbers and math of any kind, one changing a diaper because I haven't quite figured out how to fully potty train my kid yet and that last one is either filling out paperwork, mailing out a greeting card, writing a shopping list or calling a company regarding something heinous. My mind is absolutely flooded with notes. I leap out of bed at all hours with a startling reminder that has to be written down at that very moment. My counter space which houses my calendar, notepads, mail and various to-do's is overflowing. Did I RSVP? Are we going to that party? Did I mail her birthday card? Bake sale. Fundraiser. When does the car need to be inspected? What time is Daisy's appointment? Summer dance card. Swimming lessons? Coupon expires tomorrow. Where the hell is my state tax refund?! School uniforms. It is never-ending. And I have two children. Some of you have three, four or five. To which I say, "HOW?!" I remain one of the most organized and efficient people that I know and I am sinking like a gummy vitamin in a glass of milk. Oh, Scarlett might be the only one that does that.

I'm not sure if it's a "turning forty" thing. Maybe it is. Maybe brain power is sucked away by each child that you carry and come forty the power that IS left is cut in half. I had an idea for a Mother's Day gift for my grandmother the other day and got all excited and was going to get it ready until I realized that Mother's Day was over a month ago. Not next week. And I've already forgotten the idea. I never have any clue what day of the week it is. Gregg's rotating schedule keeps it interesting. Most days go like this, "Oh hey, Sheri, how did you manage to get to Target without the kids this morning?" My reply, "Oh, Gregg usually has Tuesday mornings off." After an awkward look and pause, "Today is Friday." ............. Eyeroll.

It is what it is, though, right? I mean, who the hell can really balance it all? Who has everything in line, always? Maybe Scarlett's dance teacher. Yeah, she's impressive. She's superhuman. But aside from her I don't think I know anyone who doesn't feel like they are swimming in chaos. I always find myself saying, And I don't even WORK right now!  Like, I can't give myself a break because I don't technically clock in at a job each day. I look at working parents and admire the hell out of them. I can't get everything done and I'm home 75% of the time. How can it be done in less than half of that? On the other hand, I realize that I am with these children and this dog for eighty-nine hours a day. I get about twenty minutes to myself to chug my hot coffee at 6 am and then after the kids go to bed the night is finally mine ... I am asleep by 10:30 most nights. I'm actually cutting into that highly coveted time right this very second so let me go fill my burning eyes with drops, play Words With Friends, slug this last glass of water and maybe watch some Jaws.

Cheers to all who are in the quicksand with me! xoxo

December 8, 2014

It won't be long now ...

Sometimes, while sitting by the Christmas tree, I try to envision what our home is going to look like when we bring our newest little Leach into it. I look at the pictures on our wall and imagine rearranging them to make room for the face of a new family member. I see our classic 'family of three' photos - where our heads fit nicely into the frame - and wonder how we will cram our fourth into them. In the brief and seldom quiet moments I cherish the sound of silence, or peaceful Christmas music, knowing that very soon there will be a new yet familiar buzz in these rooms. And I'm excited. I'm not ready, but I'm excited.

With just four weeks to go I realize how many loose ends need to be tied up. When I was pregnant with Scarlett I was thorough in my preparations. There were outfits in my hospital bag, the baby's room was finished in its entirety months before the due date and the bottles were washed and ready to go. If you look in my hospital bag right now I have a t-shirt and slippers. I did buy some travel size items but everything else is going to be a last minute grab. Which, if you know me at all, will surely make me spin into a maniacal frenzy. I am the planner to end all planners. As organized as one can get. The idea that I'll be grabbing at least fifteen to twenty things just moments before heading to the hospital makes my pulse race. It's going to be like some terrifying game show. I also need to pack up Scarlett for her stay my mother's house. Gregg is busy making wooden wall art and figures for the baby's mobile which I need to get painted. I did wash all of the clothing, blankets, bibs, burp cloths and bedding. Bottles will be next. Car seats need to be ready to go - their pads need to be washed. The swing and Pack 'n' Play need to be set up. I realize a lot of these things can be done after the baby comes but that's not how I roll. And throwing in Christmas shopping, decorating, cards, calendars, wrapping and festivities ?? I'm a lunatic.

You think I'm overreacting with a month to go? Well, my grandmother told me she has a feeling I'm going to have this baby early - and that is ALL I needed to hear. For some reason, Gram is a little intuitive when it comes to my pregnancies. She even had a feeling I was pregnant before Gregg and I had told anyone, and it had just been one week since we'd found out. So naturally I'm terrified.

I've been feeling pretty good though. I do get very tired from doing very little and am in bed by 9:30 every night. I like to get in there early and get two to three good hours of sleep upfront before usually tossing and turning for the remainder of the night. I have had this issue with both pregnancies where my heart begins to race and I become short of breath and need to change positions immediately before I pass out. It starts around four or five months and continues throughout. It happens while walking, lying down or sitting and it's been worse with this baby. I think it's her position and the position of my whacked out uterus pressing on a main artery blocking my blood flow. It kinda blows but it could be much, much worse! Scarlett sometimes mocks me huffing and puffing by the time I get to the top of the stairs to her bedroom. Kid's a wise ass. Other than those issues and my constant foggy state of stupidity everything is pretty good. The stupidity is cracking Gregg up. I'll share my most recent ridiculous example. I put on my iPod and was listening to some Christmas music with Scarlett and she said, "We heard this song on the tv too!" To which I replied, "Yes! We did! And I think I may have it on my iPod too!" Stunned silence from the crowd. Then Gregg let me know that it was my iPod playing and we laughed and laughed. Ugh. I'm a complete moron these days. Jumbling up words and barely able to complete a sentence - I actually give up a lot of times midway through. Not worth the effort. Ha!

Tonight we have Gregg's company Christmas party and it should be interesting wearing those heels one last time. So, think of me when you get comfy in your pajamas and slippers tonight. I will be tugging and shifting in my dress and tights while trying not to walk more than five paces at a time having jammed my Flintstone feet into ankle booties for the occasion. Oh well! 'Tis the season!

October 20, 2014

Fall, into the third trimester...

Let me start by saying, Hooorayyy for cooler temperatures! I am finally feeling the lovely, sweet relief that used to be brought by September and is now barely swept in by October. Time to start lighting my dozens of adorable Halloween candles without having to put the central air on. And, while this will quickly turn into a ho-hum challenge, I am enjoying the task of choosing a jacket, sweater or hoodie for Scarlett each morning. It really is the little things.

Right around this time of year I start to get antsy for all things Christmas. I know! I KNOW! I wait all year long for Fall and am practically daydreaming it away when I see so much as a candy cane candle in the stores. Red and white and silver and green ... it's commmminnnnnng. Hee Hee! I just hope I'm able to enjoy all of my favorite things as I always do ... while being nine months pregnant. Waddling around the tree farm will most likely result in a You Tube video.

I'm into my third trimester, folks. It may seem like it came quickly - and it sorta did once those pesky first fourteen weeks were behind me. I did regain my energy for the most part in the second trimester but lately am back to feeling tired and already getting uncomfortable. My belly now, at twenty-eight weeks, is comparable to my belly at thirty-six weeks with Scarlett. I'm in good health, thank God, and just have minor complaints. Mostly, the numbness/tingling in my hands and arms, the four hour gaps in overnight sleep and the crazy heart-racing and shortness of breath when the baby is pressing on a main artery. I remember the same with Scarlett, I got way less sleep in the third trimester than I did once she was born.

I had Scarlett in late September and wore flip flops throughout the entire pregnancy. It's a different ball game heading into the cold weather - I have just one option for footwear these days, a pair of brown boots. I can't squeeze into anything else, so any upcoming events require a trip to the shoe store. I have just two sweaters and one long sleeved shirt so you can get used to seeing them because I refuse to spend any more money on maternity clothes. (It's tough when your husband wears a size medium shirt).

I'm having fun these days working on the baby's room. Finally getting some ideas and it's starting to come together. I've sorted through Scarlett's old clothes and, although the seasons are a little off, I think we'll have a pretty good head start. It's nice to see all of my old favorites that I'd forgotten about. Even Scarlett is enjoying looking through her old shoes and things - I think she's getting excited! (I'd be more excited if she slept more than nine or ten hours a day).

Sure, I have moments where I think, how the hell am I going to pull this off? Another child? A BABY?? That needs me constantly for at least two years?? The bottles?? The bibs and spit-up rags? The witching hour/s??? The teething?? The extra laundry?? The poop?? The "Don't Touch That!!" stage?? The extra gear?? Getting out of the house with two instead of one??

Then I think, YEAH. I think I'm ready for that, I can do it.

We've had our struggles and we've waited a long time to create our family. I feel very, very blessed to be harboring another feisty little girl. I know it will be a challenge and I just hope I can keep my head about me, be as patient as possible and love my girls in every moment. As always I pray for a healthy full-term baby who is sure to become another beam of sunshine in our lives.