A little eval time ...

Whew. 

Here we are. The weather is finally showing me some love... leaves on the ground, beautiful color out there nice and early due to the heinous drought. Silver lining. An occasional hoodie or sweater has been worn. Turned the heat on a bit to cozy it up. I can feel the shift. I am in a much better place now.  

We are just a few weeks into distance learning and it is going just okay. It is by no means "the easy way out." We are putting in a LOT of work every single day. It is absolutely exhausting most days. I am teaching Daisy everyday - Math, Religion, Social Studies and Phonics. She has a super nice teacher who she meets with briefly several times each week and gets to see her classmates and friends which she loves. I don't want her to be separated from her class and teacher and all of the fun that goes along with Kindergarten but this is the best choice for us. It's not an easy choice, it's not without a deep commitment, super busy schedule, extreme organization, sadness or guilt but it is still the best choice for us. 

Scarlett's teacher is also fantastic. She is focusing heavily on math and reading and doing very well. Scarlett will be making her First Communion in a couple of weeks. It will look very different this year. Just immediate family. No pictures in church. No reception. We will find a way to make it special for her nonetheless. 

What a crazy time we are living in. I am seeing so much division and so much finger pointing and judging. I don't understand why people have to tear apart the personal decisions of others. I see things that I don't agree with everyday and I'm not going to run my mouth about it and make someone feel like garbage. Where does that get me? Aren't we all just doing what works best for us? 

I'm going to be totally honest here. This year has been an absolute game changer for me. Maybe it's my age, maybe it's having had life come to a dead halt in March. Maybe it was the extra down time this summer in which I took to reflect on the person that I am. We know who we are, right? Hmm. Do we? Maybe somewhere down the line we take a deeper look. And maybe then things seem a bit clearer and it all clicks into place. Maybe we don't want to continue to do things the way we've always done them. ("What you allow is what will continue") Maybe we decide to take care of ourselves a little bit more than we had all those years. There might be an initial struggle with the idea that we are being selfish  ...  but we aren't. Self care and self love have never been my strong suits. I will badger my girls everyday to make certain that they know they are amazing and that they do great things. But I never told myself those things or believed those things throughout my life. So now, I am reflecting. Slowly accepting that I am totally worthy of taking time for myself to do things that make me happy. Now more than ever. Maybe my decisions make you unhappy sometimes. Maybe I don't participate in everything I've done in the past. Maybe I change up whatever the hell I want because it's my life and I can do that.

Bottom line is: Check in with yourself. Are you happy doing things the way you've always done them? Just because it's "how it is" or it's the "routine." Stop it. You can change anything you want. At any time. You might ruffle a few feathers but people will get over it - and if they don't ... who needs that kind of negativity? It is your life after all. I am sticking up for all of the people being judged right now. Do what works for YOU. As long as you are putting out good things and not being a jerk - life can be a whole lot better than it has been. Promise. 

Happy Sunday!

xo 

What's getting me by...

Happy Saturday, gang! 

I haven't felt like posting in a while but today I figured I'd pop by for a few. I hope you are all feeling well and able to enjoy some of the weekend. It's rainy here but I've always been a fan of the gloom. It's a day of laundry and cleaning and organizing ... much like every other single day of my life.  

I am writing this by the hum of the dryer and the welcomed sounds of Christmas music playing from my iTunes. That's right. Sing it, Mr. Como. 

Lately, I've been in a pretty good groove. Sure, things around me are exploding and crumbling to the ground but we are managing this household with grace. HAHAHAHA. Sorry, I cannot pretend that I have one ounce of grace. Not even for a second. But we are muddling through as best we can. We have been keeping our circle small and finding allllll the ways to keep the girls engaged, active, creative and happy. Thank you, Intex, for your weird yet adequate pool. It is the only way we can stand the unacceptable heat of the summer in our backyard. We all know I'm not traipsing through a forest until every last bug has died and the temp drops below 60. It will come. It always does. 

The idea that Fall is on its way is just enough to propel me through this insane hurdle that is "Back to School." We have opted to continue with distance learning and I feel good about that. I empathize with every teacher out there. These are titanic decisions to be made and are no doubt exhausting. Thank you for giving up your summer to do your best as always. I only hope that seeing a chunky, rust colored sweater in Target will bring you a fraction of the joy that it brings me. 

In just a few days I will be switching out my most dreaded calendar block (May, June, July, August) for my absolute favorite (September, October, November, December). I know, it seems insane to even bring this up in a blog post but I've done it. And I've probably done it in the past as well but we all know how polished my memory is. I cannot wait for the crisp mornings. Being able to sit out on the deck without sweating and buzzing sounds. NOT watering flowers. Can we just accept the fact that I don't enjoy plants. I feel like they try to please with their beauty and benefits but it's just not enough for me. I don't know what I'm doing, I kill them... or stunt them... overwater or underwater. I find myself sneering at them. They know they're unappreciated and they act accordingly. It's mutual really. Give me some mums on the front steps for a month. I can do that. 

I have spent a LOT of time watching Christmas and Winter themed Hallmark movies. I'm a changed woman. I know now that I was meant to live in a mountain town with kind folk and a super charming Main Street. I should be wearing fair isle sweaters and scarves and spending all of my time baking goodies for my little shop on my husband's tree farm. Traveling only by horse-drawn sleigh and having at least one spontaneous snowball fight weekly. Warm drinks in my hand all day and night. Hygge forever! Seriously though, I am hooked on the dreamy idea that people really do live that way. And I really do dream of being one of them. 

I'm off to crank the central air, make some hot chocolate and throw some ice at my kids. Gotta start somewhere, right? 

Have a great weekend! 

xo 

Against the grain...

A snowy morning in April? Hell yes. That was one beautiful coffee-sipping view. I know, you probably woke up pissed about it. I'm not happy that you're upset to see it but it sure did make my day. 

I've always kinda been the odd man out. I prefer Winter and cold weather while the majority of the world would take shorts and sweltering sun. No thanks, shorts, I'm all set with you. I'll sit uncomfortably in my jeans in August. Trying my hardest to not be outside unless I am inches from the ocean. (My attire changes slightly whilst I sit by the sea). Late October through March, however, I will spend all the time in the world breathing in that cold (somewhat) fresh air. But ya'll don't want to hang out there with me then, do you?!

I'm certainly not an avid hiker but I do really love walks in the woods... in November. You're not finding me dwelling amidst a thick forest if there is even a hint of humidity in the air or a winged insect... or a crawling insect for that matter. The more leaves on the trees the less my chances are of being outside. I prefer a bare tree silhouette any day. This is the time of year in which I truly appreciate the last of the branchy views and I take lots of crappy sunset pics to capture them.

As for books - I'm not really a big reader of popular best sellers. I'll read anything Stephen King puts out but that's as far as it goes. I also don't love audiobooks or podcasts (Shout out to the You Rock School of Music podcast!) I do have a couple of favorites but I guess I'd rather read or view the material than just listen to it. I don't comprehend as well by just listening - I'm incredibly visual. My guitar instructor can tell me the same thing over and over again but until I actually print out exactly what I need to learn and study it I just can't grasp it.

I'm also not a "Paint and Vino - Girls Night Out" kinda gal. I don't want to paint what you want me to paint. I also don't need to sit in a group of thirty women I don't know giggling over Zinfandel. I'm not knocking it for all of those who enjoy it! I love you guys and love that you enjoy it! I've seen plenty of posts on social media of amazing paintings that have come from these events. But much like a Pampered Chef party or Thunder From Down Under night - I'm not attending. Give me my best friends in a brewery or vineyard and I am more than happy to stand around with my glass having a fantastic time. 

I am going to end it here because this list goes on and on and on ... I always intend on writing shorter posts but my typing fingers are very wordy. 

I hope you all have a great weekend! See you soon! 
xo