... get off my back

Alright.

It has been a few weeks since I have written. To be fair, I haven't had all that much to say (and haven't felt like spending extra hours on the computer after 8+ at work). On the other hand the things that are on my mind aren't really blog material. Sometimes it is best to leave weighing topics right where they are. Some do have a very long shelf life... but others expire on their own with no energy required. I prefer the latter. Ugh... this sounds like a journal entry...

Dear Diary, 


I am one unsettled bizznatch lately. I am in love with my life yet somehow I want to tell everyone to kiss my ass. Please help me to stop hating people and craving privacy. 


 Yeah, that's not entirely true but I am realizing as of late that I really AM a private person. Sure, you are probably thinking  how does a private person write a blog where the basis is expressing thoughts and emotions? Well - I share just enough. Surface stuff. I don't know if anyone out there actually writes what lives deep within their soul. Except maybe Stephen King.


So this privacy thing - yeah, it has really blossomed over the past year or so. I always enjoyed alone time - writing, reading, walking, staring at the ocean, blah blah blah... but this new-found characteristic is a more mature version. And to be honest, I didn't give it much thought until this week.

I guess things got a bit out of control for me with the addition of social networking, text messaging and every other avenue for communication that's been thrown at us over the past decade. It has just become so frigging EASY to get in touch with everyone. You used to be able to say "Oh, I wasn't home when you called" and leave it at that. These days cell phone use has become so insanely acceptable that the only real excuse for not answering a call is if you are in a church. Let's put it this way - I have been in a church a handful of times over the past 5 years and I have purposely not answered about seventeen thousand and forty nine calls. I sometimes see the little envelope icon or the voice mail alert and shrug my shoulders. I do realize that there is a ridiculously tiny chance that something could be an emergency but then I think back to the twenty years before attaining my cell phone and realize an emergency is unlikely. I would bet my boots that it's a text explaining a friend's fury rather than alerting me that a meteor is heading towards my house. The truth is, sometimes I just want to shut my phone off for days, ban computer use and live unconnected for a little while. It has gotten to be too much.

When you ask me what my dream life would be - I respond with, "To live, wealthy as hell of course, in a big, Victorian, sea-side home - or newly renovated and just as big farm house - with Gregg on acres and acres of land with the closest neighbor miles away and a front porch looking out to a beautiful landscape rather than some gaudy front door decoration and oil stained driveway leading to a family that sucks". My point? I want comfortable seclusion.

That is not to say that I want to ditch my family and friends. I have a wonderful balance right now. We see our family often and meet with different groups of friends on different weekends. Which is as it should be. I just don't want to feel crowded by life. Overwhelmed with communication. Concerned with so many others' issues and burdens that I start to feel buried and become forgetful of my own matters. That has happened in the past and it was absolutely dreadful. It was like I woke up one day and realized I hadn't even been living my own life. I regained control immediately and from that day forward put my life with Gregg first. And that's the way it is going to be - forever.

back at it ...

I'm baaaaaack!! It feels good to be a working girl again. Not SO good that I'd continue working if my Powerball ticket was "the big winner" but still, pretty damn good. I have made quite a seamless transition from unemployed to employed or should I say from no-time to full-time. I started my position last Wednesday. I already have a good feel for the 8.5 hours per day that I'll be spending away from home. I have quickly gotten used to getting up earlier, choosing daily outfits and packing up my "meals". I'm impressed with my adaptation I must admit. I thought for sure there would be a few tears and lots of moping around when I was to start working again. This scenario however is much different than I had anticipated. It isn't a crappy office job where I am: stuck at a broken PC using Excel and working with numbers all day, a slave to five bosses and expected to do the work of three people all while being devastatingly underpaid. I am on a brand new 27" iMac, using graphics software with a hands-off boss and a great supervisor who delegates work to me that I am more than capable of handling with a paycheck that will keep me comfortable. Score one for Sheri Lynn.

I have been taken under the wing of my friend and now supervisor, Maryellen. She's been training me and it's been pretty fun actually. A lot of the processes are so new that we are collaborating on the best ways to get them done. It's nice to not have to learn something that's unchangeable and set in stone. Everything is sort of a work in progress at this point. My primary job consists of manipulating Illustrator files. As orders for products come in I will be putting University logos and specified colors on the desired items. I enjoy the work so far. As other projects come in I will be used in those areas as well. The art department is brand new so there will be lots of changes in the upcoming months. I only hope that our work at least stays this steady and a "lay-off" isn't in the cards. Let's cross our fingers on that one! 

My new routine is working out swimmingly. I set the alarm for 6 but usually beat it and get out of bed by 5:50. I make coffee and feed Brody. I sit with my delicious cups of joe and watch Roseanne until about 7. I get ready and am out the door by 8:10. Leave the office at 5 and am home by 5:20. Awesome awesome awesome commute. I have never worked South of the city before. It's a whole new world. I grab a book or magazine and bike 10 miles in the bedroom, shower up and have my last meal. Done with my day by about 7:30 and the rest of the night is open for relaxation. It is a fantastic balance and I only hope that I continue to stay enthusiastic about it. My old job made my days disappear and my nights seemed to be just seconds long. This brand new schedule is wonderful and I hope that once the daily grind starts to wear on me I can still see the positive points. Thankfully I have this blog to remind me. 

I remain thankful for this opportunity and hopeful for my future. Good day to you! 

Thank you: Door Slammers

Dearest Door Slammer,

I would like to thank you:

For holding the door long enough for your family of seven to get safely inside and then shutting it just inches from my face. After all, I need to learn to be independent and do things for myself. Without people like you I would become somewhat reliant on others' acts of kindness and be repeatedly disappointed. Thanks for the wake-up call!

Sincerely,

Flat-face in Rhode Island