A nightmare seems to lose its terrifying luster when you try to explain it to someone else. I toyed with even writing it down but it was so vivid and so real and when I shot out of bed at ten of five this morning I prayed to not go back to sleep.
I dreamed I was at a little country store and saw a scrap of paper pinned to a board. The paper read something like this: "Curious about all the noise at the farm? Wondering about the dump trucks and backhoes? Come see what all the fuss is about, we'll be there to answer your questions." Now, in real life I wouldn't even be glancing at that board let alone mulling over the decision to go to that farm.
Sure enough - I was headed to the farm. Walking along the dirt road I heard the buzz of the big engines and knew I was almost there. Without hesitation I walked up the "driveway" to this gigantic dirt farm. Right away a man met me, he came out of the shadows of the tree-lined property. He was grimy and weathered. I figured from years of tending a farm. There were no other curious townspeople around - only me, Grimy and the men in their machines. Immediately, Grimy said, "You're only about five feet tall, aren't you? That's perfect. Just perfect." (Very Buffalo Bill from the van scene in The Silence of the Lambs). I was confused by his statement and when I looked behind me two other men had joined us. Fear. Horror. Panic.
The next scene had me dragged into an underground cell where I was met with dirt and darkness. Hopelessness punched me in the face and I woke up.
My heart raced for a good twenty minutes. I got up and walked around, I DID NOT want to get back into that dream, into that cell. I was able to keep from falling asleep for over an hour and the next dream was a pain in the ass but manageable. (Tornado was coming and the ceiling of my living room was leaking rain and plaster - it was a holiday, Gregg was working and for some reason nobody was available to help. Bah, child's play compared to most of my nightmares).
When I have these frightening dreams I immediately think of the people that have actually been in these situations in real life. I know the feelings of fear, despair, hopelessness - but only for a moment. I have such admiration for people that endure these horrible happenings, they live through them, the survive and they move on. Holy Sh$#.
Showing posts with label nightmares. Show all posts
Showing posts with label nightmares. Show all posts
January 20, 2014
August 12, 2010
my morningmares...
Planes falling out of the sky in pieces- flames everywhere... cars by the hundreds just diving off the highway as the roads crumble beneath them... petrified, sprinting citizens screaming and flailing with terror as they make their way down abandoned roads in a maddening crowd- dodging pieces of debris... how'd you like to wake up to that??
I hate the morningmare. I do get nightmares but more often it's around 5 am that I am stricken with fear and forced awake by my own racing heart. I look around the room, check the clock, shift positions and slow my pulse - sometimes I walk around the house to break the possibility of heading right back into that dream. I have more night/morningmares than I do regular "oddball" dreams. It's rarely a unicorn dancing through a field of wildflowers while Ozzy Osbourne sings Mr. Crowley off in the distance. I tend to dredge up murderers, tornadoes, tidal waves and the ever popular driving off a bridge or cliff into the ocean - which - just so you know - is absolutely terrifying. I have had the 'pleasure' of remembering an average of 5 dreams per week for as long as I can recall. My brother will attest to my annoying 'dream-telling' even back when I was 7 or 8 yrs old. And that was vampires in a supermarket. I sort of remember it still.
This plane-raining dream was hands down one of the most frightening ones to date. I was with my mother and grandmother - location, unclear - when we began to notice shiny objects rapidly falling from the sky. We saw people gathering and quickly making the decision to run for their lives. The three of us did our best to outrun massive pieces that had broken apart from what seemed like hundreds of 747s. The location at that point was Airport Road - a long stretch of road appropriately named for its proximity to the airport. With my 88 year old grandmother in tow - we ran as hard as we could to avoid the flaming obstacle. Horror. Next scene, my mom and I are in a huge building - possibly an airport, very modern and cold with large concrete beams and pillars, tons of escalators and stairwells. I lost track of my grandmother and sadly, we feared the worst. Things seemed calmer now. We made our way to a military escort outside, hopped in the vehicle and started driving. Almost immediately we were met with hundreds of cars coming from all directions - much like arrows aimed at a target the size of the Grand Canyon. There was no where to go. We ran from the vehicle trying to hold hands so as not to lose each other- screaming and crying in a cloud of complete chaos. It was the end of the world. I woke up shaking with my heart racing so fast I practically had to have a yoga session right there in my bed. I calmed down by reaching over to see if Brody was on the bed. Surprisingly, I was comforted by his familiar fur and the horror faded.
There really is no point to this story - just a simply narrated dream. It is not the way I choose to start my day - let that be known.
I have read that "It is perfectly normal for a person to dream 4 or 5 times a night. When you sleep you go through cycles of sleep. Each cycle lasting on avg. 90 minutes. At the end of each cycle you would have a dream. Your first dream being your shortest 5 to 20 min, and your last being the longest, about 60 min." But who really knows why certain people always remember their dreams and others never do. Either way, I find dreams to be fascinating and at the same time horrifying. I think I'm due for a happy, floating on a cloud, sunshiny, lollipop filled, rainbow dancing dream any day now.
January 6, 2010
maybe my pillow is a jerk ...
According to a study of dreams by Dr. Laurel Clark and Paul Blosser ...
"Nightmares occur when the subconscious mind tries repeatedly to relate a dream message but the message is ignored. This might occur when you don’t recall dreams often or when you give little attention to your dreams at all. A nightmare is when the subconscious mind “yells” at you to get your attention to shock you into remembering the dream. By learning to interpret your dream messages, you can understand what your subconscious mind wants to convey. When you apply the message to your life and make the necessary changes, you change, and as a result, your dreams change. You experience fewer nightmares. As you increase in Self awareness you find that you rarely, if ever, will have nightmares because your conscious awareness is aligned with the Truth contained within your subconscious mind."
Well, apparently I need to start paying closer attention.
Lately, I have been plagued with very realistic dreams that are not quite to my satisfaction. I would love to dream about becoming a billionaire and going mansion shopping. Or have a quick flash of my wonderful future with our beautiful children and a white picket fence. Or just walking a dirt road, alongside an endless farm, barefoot, in the sun- possibly eating an ice cream cone. Somehow I never seem to have these odd, pleasant dreams. Quite the opposite actually ...
So, about a week ago I dreamed that I was in a van with 3 of my best friends driving in Narragansett. There was a wicked storm on the coast and the waves were insane, there was pounding rain and wind - just crazy. Long story short - we end up driving off a cliff and plummeting into the sea. I kept taking deep breaths and holding them, knowing that any second the windows would shatter and we would be suffocating as the ocean poured in. We sunk to the bottom at first, all screaming and panicking, and then, as quickly as we sunk - we floated to the surface. We broke the windows and swam to shore - in the midst of the horrifying storm. Upon reaching the shore, we found a restaurant right on the beach with people dining literally feet away from monster waves. As I walked past the patrons, dripping with seaweed like a swamp monster, I said, "Hey, enjoy the rest of those stuffed mushrooms". Not a fitting ending, right??? I am an oddball though, so I wouldn't put that past me. Anyway, I have recurring dreams of plunging into the ocean or lake in a vehicle. Usually by driving off a cliff, but sometimes a bridge which is even scarier because the fall seems to be longer which heightens the anxiety dramatically. That second when you hit the water - well, I can't even explain the feeling of terror, so never mind.
Two nights ago I had some rather fierce nightmares starring Michael Myers, who was chasing me around the winding commissary of a restaurant. I was hiding in walk-in freezers, the basement, boxes, box trucks etc. I finally exited the building and ran through the local neighborhood - ducking behind fences and even did a little breaking and entering. I woke up at 3:15 on the dot (which is all very Amityville Horror) with my heart racing, hands shaking and the vivid dream just way too fresh in my mind. I forced myself to stay awake for a while... walking around the house with my flashlight. This is quite normal for me, I assure you. I have endured these dreams for a good ten years or so. Typically I am being chased through neighborhoods. I beg the homeowners to let me hide in their house and from an attic window I can see this madman rounding the corner and coming for me. Once, I managed to cut his arm off at the elbow - using his own knife - after I broke the arm in a heavy, parking garage door. I am pretty resourceful.
But last night, Mr. Sandman managed to cram several of my true fears into one little sleep session. Let's discuss...
It all started in a little, white trash bar - that hopefully doesn't exist - surrounded by thick woods. I was uncomfortably seated inside with my lager and some friends. I only knew three or four people in the establishment. Quickly a brawl broke out between some roughneck, flannel-clad hillbilly and a "motorcycle guy". I inched my way toward the door only to find that it was, of course, locked from the outside. For some reason we were all locked in this dive with a brutal beating as our entertainment. I HATE fights. I hate seeing them on television, hearing about them from friends and most of all, witnessing them in person. Just hearing a man furiously yell makes me feel like a frightened 4 yr old searching for a corner to rock back and forth in. So there we are, desperately fleeing the punches, flying objects, squirting blood and possible airborne teeth. I was scared to death.
The dream shifted and now took place, again, while driving with friends in Narragansett. The sky quickly became black as night. The wind picked up, intensely. The other cars on the road started to eerily disappear. We became frightened as we continued on the stretch of road by the ocean. I saw the first tornado. And the second and third. The other girls each found other tornadoes to focus on. In a matter of seconds, we were faced with roughly 15 tornadoes. Some, over the ocean, some coming straight for us and the others surrounding the car. We were whipped around in every direction. We flew through the air. I can remember the absolutely terrifying sound of the winds, the screams coming out of my own mouth and the mouths of my friends, and the realization that we were going to die. The last thing I remember about this portion of the dream was being outside of the car and knocked around the highways like a human pinball.
The next sequence picked up in a small, farm house in South County. I was sitting at a counter in a dining room/kitchen. This was a gathering of the most RANDOM of my friends. Some, I haven't seen in years, some are friends of friends, and most have never met each other. I sat on a wooden stool, sipping Miller High Life. Everyone was scattered around. One girl was even seated in the bathtub. A few of the boys walked in with a curious looking box. We all walked over to check it out. It was literally crawling with every imaginable creepy insect known to man. I flipped right out. I ran into the other room as I heard the box being dumped onto the floor. From the corner of my eye I could see the crawlies sprinting throughout the rooms. I was now sitting on the counter, legs bent, knees tucked under my chin and for some reason I was blocking my ears hahaha. I saw my friend, Higbee,'s buddy walking towards me clutching a handful of dangling horror. He placed several MILLIPEDES across my shins - which were bare, due to the bermuda shorts I was wearing. I screamed at the top of my lungs, jumped off of the counter and grabbed towels to wipe my legs over and over, even though the insects had moved on to the wall almost instantly. I was trembling and crying and absolutely hysterical. The bug-placer repeatedly apologized and rubbed my shins as if to erase all traces. I woke up gasping for air.
In other words, the "dream-maker" succeeded in combining my fear of dangerous beatings, inescapable tornadoes and unacceptable, multi-legged insects all into one appallingly macabre dream. What is WITH my subconscious mind??? What are you trying to tell me?? Or what am I trying to tell myself, I should say. I have several books on dreams and often do a bit of research on them. I don't really know what is believable or true but it all seems to be very interesting if nothing else.
"Nightmares occur when the subconscious mind tries repeatedly to relate a dream message but the message is ignored. This might occur when you don’t recall dreams often or when you give little attention to your dreams at all. A nightmare is when the subconscious mind “yells” at you to get your attention to shock you into remembering the dream. By learning to interpret your dream messages, you can understand what your subconscious mind wants to convey. When you apply the message to your life and make the necessary changes, you change, and as a result, your dreams change. You experience fewer nightmares. As you increase in Self awareness you find that you rarely, if ever, will have nightmares because your conscious awareness is aligned with the Truth contained within your subconscious mind."
Well, apparently I need to start paying closer attention.
Lately, I have been plagued with very realistic dreams that are not quite to my satisfaction. I would love to dream about becoming a billionaire and going mansion shopping. Or have a quick flash of my wonderful future with our beautiful children and a white picket fence. Or just walking a dirt road, alongside an endless farm, barefoot, in the sun- possibly eating an ice cream cone. Somehow I never seem to have these odd, pleasant dreams. Quite the opposite actually ...
So, about a week ago I dreamed that I was in a van with 3 of my best friends driving in Narragansett. There was a wicked storm on the coast and the waves were insane, there was pounding rain and wind - just crazy. Long story short - we end up driving off a cliff and plummeting into the sea. I kept taking deep breaths and holding them, knowing that any second the windows would shatter and we would be suffocating as the ocean poured in. We sunk to the bottom at first, all screaming and panicking, and then, as quickly as we sunk - we floated to the surface. We broke the windows and swam to shore - in the midst of the horrifying storm. Upon reaching the shore, we found a restaurant right on the beach with people dining literally feet away from monster waves. As I walked past the patrons, dripping with seaweed like a swamp monster, I said, "Hey, enjoy the rest of those stuffed mushrooms". Not a fitting ending, right??? I am an oddball though, so I wouldn't put that past me. Anyway, I have recurring dreams of plunging into the ocean or lake in a vehicle. Usually by driving off a cliff, but sometimes a bridge which is even scarier because the fall seems to be longer which heightens the anxiety dramatically. That second when you hit the water - well, I can't even explain the feeling of terror, so never mind.
Two nights ago I had some rather fierce nightmares starring Michael Myers, who was chasing me around the winding commissary of a restaurant. I was hiding in walk-in freezers, the basement, boxes, box trucks etc. I finally exited the building and ran through the local neighborhood - ducking behind fences and even did a little breaking and entering. I woke up at 3:15 on the dot (which is all very Amityville Horror) with my heart racing, hands shaking and the vivid dream just way too fresh in my mind. I forced myself to stay awake for a while... walking around the house with my flashlight. This is quite normal for me, I assure you. I have endured these dreams for a good ten years or so. Typically I am being chased through neighborhoods. I beg the homeowners to let me hide in their house and from an attic window I can see this madman rounding the corner and coming for me. Once, I managed to cut his arm off at the elbow - using his own knife - after I broke the arm in a heavy, parking garage door. I am pretty resourceful.
But last night, Mr. Sandman managed to cram several of my true fears into one little sleep session. Let's discuss...
It all started in a little, white trash bar - that hopefully doesn't exist - surrounded by thick woods. I was uncomfortably seated inside with my lager and some friends. I only knew three or four people in the establishment. Quickly a brawl broke out between some roughneck, flannel-clad hillbilly and a "motorcycle guy". I inched my way toward the door only to find that it was, of course, locked from the outside. For some reason we were all locked in this dive with a brutal beating as our entertainment. I HATE fights. I hate seeing them on television, hearing about them from friends and most of all, witnessing them in person. Just hearing a man furiously yell makes me feel like a frightened 4 yr old searching for a corner to rock back and forth in. So there we are, desperately fleeing the punches, flying objects, squirting blood and possible airborne teeth. I was scared to death.
The dream shifted and now took place, again, while driving with friends in Narragansett. The sky quickly became black as night. The wind picked up, intensely. The other cars on the road started to eerily disappear. We became frightened as we continued on the stretch of road by the ocean. I saw the first tornado. And the second and third. The other girls each found other tornadoes to focus on. In a matter of seconds, we were faced with roughly 15 tornadoes. Some, over the ocean, some coming straight for us and the others surrounding the car. We were whipped around in every direction. We flew through the air. I can remember the absolutely terrifying sound of the winds, the screams coming out of my own mouth and the mouths of my friends, and the realization that we were going to die. The last thing I remember about this portion of the dream was being outside of the car and knocked around the highways like a human pinball.
The next sequence picked up in a small, farm house in South County. I was sitting at a counter in a dining room/kitchen. This was a gathering of the most RANDOM of my friends. Some, I haven't seen in years, some are friends of friends, and most have never met each other. I sat on a wooden stool, sipping Miller High Life. Everyone was scattered around. One girl was even seated in the bathtub. A few of the boys walked in with a curious looking box. We all walked over to check it out. It was literally crawling with every imaginable creepy insect known to man. I flipped right out. I ran into the other room as I heard the box being dumped onto the floor. From the corner of my eye I could see the crawlies sprinting throughout the rooms. I was now sitting on the counter, legs bent, knees tucked under my chin and for some reason I was blocking my ears hahaha. I saw my friend, Higbee,'s buddy walking towards me clutching a handful of dangling horror. He placed several MILLIPEDES across my shins - which were bare, due to the bermuda shorts I was wearing. I screamed at the top of my lungs, jumped off of the counter and grabbed towels to wipe my legs over and over, even though the insects had moved on to the wall almost instantly. I was trembling and crying and absolutely hysterical. The bug-placer repeatedly apologized and rubbed my shins as if to erase all traces. I woke up gasping for air.
In other words, the "dream-maker" succeeded in combining my fear of dangerous beatings, inescapable tornadoes and unacceptable, multi-legged insects all into one appallingly macabre dream. What is WITH my subconscious mind??? What are you trying to tell me?? Or what am I trying to tell myself, I should say. I have several books on dreams and often do a bit of research on them. I don't really know what is believable or true but it all seems to be very interesting if nothing else.
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