the truth...

Well, I figure I owe it to anyone reading this nonsense, post after post, to be brutally honest. Sure, I have given you tidbits of information and brief glances at my life from a safe distance. And yes, I have spoken with sincerity about my husband, friends and family. But isn't there more to sheribloggins besides sarcasm, a fear of insects, a passion for decorating and love for horror films? ISN'T THERE??? Since I have kept my profile information short and sweet, please allow me to elaborate a bit on... well, ME. A bit self centered don'tcha think?? Yep. And that's just the beginning...

I have been unemployed since January. Now, before you go judging me - I am not a quitter or a lazy ass... I was no longer needed at my former job. The dismissal was super shady but I couldn't be happier now. At first, I didn't know what to do with myself. I applied for a crazy amount of jobs in a one week span - barely looking at the salary or requirements. Upon settling down, I eased into my new-found housewife-ism. I realized quickly that I need to win powerball so that I can forever be the awesomest housewife - and someday, mother - on the east coast. Currently I am still searching for a job that will allow me to continue paying my mortgage and seven million other monthly bills. And I am in good company, as tons of people are in similar situations, some better but most worse.

I wrote a children's book. Yes, yes I did. I have sent it to two publishing companies since the spring - no takers yet but I will keep floating that manuscript on and on and who knows? Maybe someday, someone will love it.

I don't make coffee everyday. Don't get me wrong. I DID. For the longest time. But lately I let myself decide in the morning - can I make it with just a small glass of milk in my little, pink Hello Kitty cup?? Or do I need two giant mugs of the good stuff? My D&D coffee preference? Medium iced Dunkin' Dark with milk and 3 sugar. I quit Splenda since I found out the ridiculousness that goes into it. Also because I bought a bag of Splenda and the weight of the bag made me want to vomit. It looks like snow and when you pour coffee onto it, it fizzes and foams up. MMMMMM granulated slow death crystals.

I am pretty selfish at times. I can't even apologize for it because it's just part of who I am. Breakdown: I would never turn my mom down if she needed help with anything or leave my friends flat in a desperate situation. But if you ask me to go to your candle party or jewelry party or Pampered Chef party - yeah I'm not going. If an invitation arrives in the mail for a 50th birthday party at a VFW hall and I don't know who the person is - yeah I'm not going. If I made plans for Friday night but it ends up rainy and I have cramps - guess who's canceling to put on pajamas and cozy up with a magazine? That's me.

If you make a comment to me that I don't like, I usually won't address it with you right then and there. A lot of times the setting doesn't allow for a confrontation. What will happen is - I will go home, LIVID over it, mulling it over a million times in my head, coming up with awesome comebacks and playing out elaborate scenarios. In time, I will move past the aggravation but will never quite fully forget what you said and how pissed I was about it.

I fully understand the dangers of skin cancer but I am one of the morons who slathers tanning accelerator on rather than SPF.

I am as stubborn as they come. I almost always discard good advice and learn my lessons the hardest way possible. And that has definitely played a huge part in my becoming a responsible adult. (Please refrain from pissing your pants laughing).

I do have my pride. And a LOT of armor. It takes an incredibly harsh person to really break me down but when they do - and they hurt my pride - it takes me a long, long time to build it back up.

I often say words when I burp. I know! I am charming as hell - hands off, guys, this 10 is married.

Perfect time to admit that I have absolutely no grace. I couldn't be LESS elegant. I envy graceful people.  I don't think they realize what an amazing quality that is. Just something as simple as getting into a car for instance ... graceful people just GLIDE in - almost weightless. Not me. I practically explode into that seat. Hair getting caught in the door, smashing my elbow on the console, change falling out of my pocketbook, a button getting ripped off of my pants pocket etc. It's not easy.

I would move to another state in a heartbeat. I appear to be very set in my ways and comfortable with the "regular" but that's not true. I could easily start a fresh life in a new place. Easily.

I am looking forward to being a mother someday. It took me a long time to feel like I am "ready" and a lot of people just didn't get that. I have had some battles over it in the past few years. And I had asked that friends and family stop the constant nagging as I didn't think it was fair to me. I just see it as an extremely personal matter and I really only share personal information on my terms.

I am not very affectionate. I am not the hug-spreader (although I have gotten much better thanks to Gregg, Cass and D). I don't like to get excited because it just makes it harder to deal with disappointments. I have a very firm grip on reality and my life and our finances and budget and household but at times I wish someone would just take that all over so I could put my hair in pigtails and play hopscotch. I do miss being a child with no responsibilities. I am a writer at heart. I love poetry and have written over two hundred of my own poems. I love art and music and movies. My memories mean the most to me. My biggest love is Gregg. I look forward to our future together as we grow old (starting with my crow's feet). My biggest fear is Alzheimer's. I worry too much. I wear the same jeans several times before washing them. I practically live in pajamas. I won't leave the house without makeup on. I am not a news watcher or a newspaper reader. I will read top stories online and that's that. I don't get into politics. I don't get into religion. I love pasta and eggplant. I eat four thousand eggs per week. My favorite band is Pearl Jam. I have a pretty solid crew of friends who are all exactly what I need them to be. I am very strong in many ways but can also be very weak. I have to talk myself into being confident. I still watch episodes of Full House every now and then. And I feel better in my thirties than I EVER felt in my twenties.

So that's more of me for you to "love" hahaha ... or maybe now you are realizing 'Hmmm, I don't think I like this Sheribloggins very much at all, actually'. Nah, I'm not all bad. I am who I am. I just wanted to give you a closer look.