December 21, 2010

let it go already...

Earlier today I was engaged in a conversation that made my blood boil. There were three of us speaking freely about a certain situation and we were all just venting and allowing our emotions to explode without holding back. During this chat I learned of things that had been said that were quite unflattering. Forgive me for being so vague but this is a sensitive topic and I don't really like to air my filthy laundry... but I do like to get things off my chest. SO my point here is that hours later my blood is just as hot. I cannot let things be. 

I have been doing some chores and things around the house, wrapping presents and such and all the while I can feel the anger in the muscles in my face. I am all tensed up and my lips are pursed and jaw is clenched. I keep thinking, ah screw it, it's not worth it, but the proud little Taurus inside me is much more powerful than the 'good voice'. What I would love to do is retaliate. I would love to be able to see this vindictive garbage-talker and let it discuss its feelings with me to my face. Not that I am a fighter - by NO MEANS. I loathe fights. I do however enjoy the opportunity to defend myself and the people that I love. I know in my heart that I am better than this beast that I become when enraged and provoked. I would never act out by contacting this douchebag with my aggression. Though the problem is that I have a really hard time getting it out of my system. I will dwell on it. I will dwell on it for DAYS. Every so often I will bring it up out loud, usually saying the same thing over and over again until something inside me decides that I am done dealing with it. Man, it drives me insane.    


  1. I don't know how you can keep from saying anything to "db". I usually last one whole minute before I call or send an email. It makes me feel good for a second and then I hate myself for going off. But no regrets. xo

  2. the good news is that your dealing with your anger in a positive aren't doing what i used to do and that is 'drink' at it. being totally selfish here and relating this to 'me'...but it's true, write about it, dwell on it a bit, think it through, but at least you don't have to drink over it. and that is a good thing!!!!!!

  3. i always always always write. always have, always will.

    always. haha


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