Whew.
Here we are. The weather is finally showing me some love... leaves on the ground, beautiful color out there nice and early due to the heinous drought. Silver lining. An occasional hoodie or sweater has been worn. Turned the heat on a bit to cozy it up. I can feel the shift. I am in a much better place now.
We are just a few weeks into distance learning and it is going just okay. It is by no means "the easy way out." We are putting in a LOT of work every single day. It is absolutely exhausting most days. I am teaching Daisy everyday - Math, Religion, Social Studies and Phonics. She has a super nice teacher who she meets with briefly several times each week and gets to see her classmates and friends which she loves. I don't want her to be separated from her class and teacher and all of the fun that goes along with Kindergarten but this is the best choice for us. It's not an easy choice, it's not without a deep commitment, super busy schedule, extreme organization, sadness or guilt but it is still the best choice for us.
Scarlett's teacher is also fantastic. She is focusing heavily on math and reading and doing very well. Scarlett will be making her First Communion in a couple of weeks. It will look very different this year. Just immediate family. No pictures in church. No reception. We will find a way to make it special for her nonetheless.
What a crazy time we are living in. I am seeing so much division and so much finger pointing and judging. I don't understand why people have to tear apart the personal decisions of others. I see things that I don't agree with everyday and I'm not going to run my mouth about it and make someone feel like garbage. Where does that get me? Aren't we all just doing what works best for us?
I'm going to be totally honest here. This year has been an absolute game changer for me. Maybe it's my age, maybe it's having had life come to a dead halt in March. Maybe it was the extra down time this summer in which I took to reflect on the person that I am. We know who we are, right? Hmm. Do we? Maybe somewhere down the line we take a deeper look. And maybe then things seem a bit clearer and it all clicks into place. Maybe we don't want to continue to do things the way we've always done them. ("What you allow is what will continue") Maybe we decide to take care of ourselves a little bit more than we had all those years. There might be an initial struggle with the idea that we are being selfish ... but we aren't. Self care and self love have never been my strong suits. I will badger my girls everyday to make certain that they know they are amazing and that they do great things. But I never told myself those things or believed those things throughout my life. So now, I am reflecting. Slowly accepting that I am totally worthy of taking time for myself to do things that make me happy. Now more than ever. Maybe my decisions make you unhappy sometimes. Maybe I don't participate in everything I've done in the past. Maybe I change up whatever the hell I want because it's my life and I can do that.
Bottom line is: Check in with yourself. Are you happy doing things the way you've always done them? Just because it's "how it is" or it's the "routine." Stop it. You can change anything you want. At any time. You might ruffle a few feathers but people will get over it - and if they don't ... who needs that kind of negativity? It is your life after all. I am sticking up for all of the people being judged right now. Do what works for YOU. As long as you are putting out good things and not being a jerk - life can be a whole lot better than it has been. Promise.
Happy Sunday!
xo
