June 24, 2017

In the quicksand ...

Well, well, well. Here I sit. Back in a very familiar position, though the view has changed some.

The last time I wrote was exactly one month before Daisy was born. After her entrance I made an easy decision to press pause on my blogging. I don't know exactly why. Focus, probably. I felt like I needed every ounce of energy to balance spending quality time with Scarlett while being completely consumed by a newborn. I'm still trying to figure out my balancing act.

When Daisy came into our world we were elated, just the same as we were with Scarlett. Unsure of how the dynamic would change and how we would all adjust, we welcomed her home excitedly. From the day we learned we were having another girl I can't even tell you how happy my heart felt. TWO GIRLS. SISTERS! Sundresses and sandals. Pastel-colored bedrooms! Best friends forever. My mind was always busy with visions of twirling little silly-hearts cartwheeling their way through life together.

It's been very sweet but maybe slightly less poetic.

Most days I look like a dumb octopus cartoon. One "arm" washing dishes, one swiffering the endless dog hair tumbleweeds, one cutting off the crusts, one folding leggings, one paying bills - while another uses a calculator because I still detest numbers and math of any kind, one changing a diaper because I haven't quite figured out how to fully potty train my kid yet and that last one is either filling out paperwork, mailing out a greeting card, writing a shopping list or calling a company regarding something heinous. My mind is absolutely flooded with notes. I leap out of bed at all hours with a startling reminder that has to be written down at that very moment. My counter space which houses my calendar, notepads, mail and various to-do's is overflowing. Did I RSVP? Are we going to that party? Did I mail her birthday card? Bake sale. Fundraiser. When does the car need to be inspected? What time is Daisy's appointment? Summer dance card. Swimming lessons? Coupon expires tomorrow. Where the hell is my state tax refund?! School uniforms. It is never-ending. And I have two children. Some of you have three, four or five. To which I say, "HOW?!" I remain one of the most organized and efficient people that I know and I am sinking like a gummy vitamin in a glass of milk. Oh, Scarlett might be the only one that does that.

I'm not sure if it's a "turning forty" thing. Maybe it is. Maybe brain power is sucked away by each child that you carry and come forty the power that IS left is cut in half. I had an idea for a Mother's Day gift for my grandmother the other day and got all excited and was going to get it ready until I realized that Mother's Day was over a month ago. Not next week. And I've already forgotten the idea. I never have any clue what day of the week it is. Gregg's rotating schedule keeps it interesting. Most days go like this, "Oh hey, Sheri, how did you manage to get to Target without the kids this morning?" My reply, "Oh, Gregg usually has Tuesday mornings off." After an awkward look and pause, "Today is Friday." ............. Eyeroll.

It is what it is, though, right? I mean, who the hell can really balance it all? Who has everything in line, always? Maybe Scarlett's dance teacher. Yeah, she's impressive. She's superhuman. But aside from her I don't think I know anyone who doesn't feel like they are swimming in chaos. I always find myself saying, And I don't even WORK right now!  Like, I can't give myself a break because I don't technically clock in at a job each day. I look at working parents and admire the hell out of them. I can't get everything done and I'm home 75% of the time. How can it be done in less than half of that? On the other hand, I realize that I am with these children and this dog for eighty-nine hours a day. I get about twenty minutes to myself to chug my hot coffee at 6 am and then after the kids go to bed the night is finally mine ... I am asleep by 10:30 most nights. I'm actually cutting into that highly coveted time right this very second so let me go fill my burning eyes with drops, play Words With Friends, slug this last glass of water and maybe watch some Jaws.

Cheers to all who are in the quicksand with me! xoxo