Sometimes, while sitting by the Christmas tree, I try to envision what our home is going to look like when we bring our newest little Leach into it. I look at the pictures on our wall and imagine rearranging them to make room for the face of a new family member. I see our classic 'family of three' photos - where our heads fit nicely into the frame - and wonder how we will cram our fourth into them. In the brief and seldom quiet moments I cherish the sound of silence, or peaceful Christmas music, knowing that very soon there will be a new yet familiar buzz in these rooms. And I'm excited. I'm not ready, but I'm excited.
With just four weeks to go I realize how many loose ends need to be tied up. When I was pregnant with Scarlett I was thorough in my preparations. There were outfits in my hospital bag, the baby's room was finished in its entirety months before the due date and the bottles were washed and ready to go. If you look in my hospital bag right now I have a t-shirt and slippers. I did buy some travel size items but everything else is going to be a last minute grab. Which, if you know me at all, will surely make me spin into a maniacal frenzy. I am the planner to end all planners. As organized as one can get. The idea that I'll be grabbing at least fifteen to twenty things just moments before heading to the hospital makes my pulse race. It's going to be like some terrifying game show. I also need to pack up Scarlett for her stay my mother's house. Gregg is busy making wooden wall art and figures for the baby's mobile which I need to get painted. I did wash all of the clothing, blankets, bibs, burp cloths and bedding. Bottles will be next. Car seats need to be ready to go - their pads need to be washed. The swing and Pack 'n' Play need to be set up. I realize a lot of these things can be done after the baby comes but that's not how I roll. And throwing in Christmas shopping, decorating, cards, calendars, wrapping and festivities ?? I'm a lunatic.
You think I'm overreacting with a month to go? Well, my grandmother told me she has a feeling I'm going to have this baby early - and that is ALL I needed to hear. For some reason, Gram is a little intuitive when it comes to my pregnancies. She even had a feeling I was pregnant before Gregg and I had told anyone, and it had just been one week since we'd found out. So naturally I'm terrified.
I've been feeling pretty good though. I do get very tired from doing very little and am in bed by 9:30 every night. I like to get in there early and get two to three good hours of sleep upfront before usually tossing and turning for the remainder of the night. I have had this issue with both pregnancies where my heart begins to race and I become short of breath and need to change positions immediately before I pass out. It starts around four or five months and continues throughout. It happens while walking, lying down or sitting and it's been worse with this baby. I think it's her position and the position of my whacked out uterus pressing on a main artery blocking my blood flow. It kinda blows but it could be much, much worse! Scarlett sometimes mocks me huffing and puffing by the time I get to the top of the stairs to her bedroom. Kid's a wise ass. Other than those issues and my constant foggy state of stupidity everything is pretty good. The stupidity is cracking Gregg up. I'll share my most recent ridiculous example. I put on my iPod and was listening to some Christmas music with Scarlett and she said, "We heard this song on the tv too!" To which I replied, "Yes! We did! And I think I may have it on my iPod too!" Stunned silence from the crowd. Then Gregg let me know that it was my iPod playing and we laughed and laughed. Ugh. I'm a complete moron these days. Jumbling up words and barely able to complete a sentence - I actually give up a lot of times midway through. Not worth the effort. Ha!
Tonight we have Gregg's company Christmas party and it should be interesting wearing those heels one last time. So, think of me when you get comfy in your pajamas and slippers tonight. I will be tugging and shifting in my dress and tights while trying not to walk more than five paces at a time having jammed my Flintstone feet into ankle booties for the occasion. Oh well! 'Tis the season!