May 16, 2013

Yeah, I can't do this...

It's a beautiful day. Currently, the temperature is 78 degrees. There is a light and lovely breeze. The sky is blue, the sun is shining and all that other harmonious crap. So, the question at hand is Why am I not outside enjoying this glorious day with my little peapod? Well, if you MUST know, the answer is Because I am an absolute lunatic.

Spring time. Some wait all year long for it - daydreaming of ice-cream trucks, children on swing-sets, flip flops and open windows. Others (myself exclusively) want to hibernate from it while mentally taking a brown crayon and coloring the entire neighborhood barren and still asleep. I'm not ignorant. I know that nearly every creature in the world emerges sneakily during the first sniff of a warm day. I've seen them crawling. I've heard them buzzing. Don't think I haven't killed at least seven of them already. We can't avoid them so we just suck it up and get on with our lives, right? Yeah, no.

Scarlett and I have shared many a session of outdoor play before the height of hatching season. I enjoy bringing her to various playgrounds and especially the beach. Sure, I am most comfortable dressed head to toe in fleece romping around in the freezing cold snow where you can't find an insect with a chisel. I'm also quite popular during the Fall months, ya know after those initial overnight cold blasts exterminate the yard naturally. May is probably the scariest month of the year. Flowers popping up everywhere - not to mention weeds and pollen galore. You can't focus your eyes on a blade of grass without seeing at least six nasty wigglers crawling around from your peripheral vision. And, if you're my neighbor, you can't grill a burger from your deck without seeing me flail and hearing me shriek at least once during your meat flips.

I tried today. I didn't feeeeeeeeeel like going out in the yard. I was crampy and bloated, I had a slammin headache and swollen glands (allergies). And honestly, I'd have rather just taken a walk around the neighborhood in my beekeeper suit. But I feel so guilty keeping Scarlett inside. I know that we'll get ninety other beautiful days but today is kind of a true gem. Plus, she has only used her sandbox once since we bought it and I knew I'd have to conquer that bastard eventually. So I put on my brave face, lathered her up with sunscreen and we headed out.

First, we tried out her new bubble mower... which she made abundantly clear that she hated. Awesome. Next stop was the sandbox. My heart was pounding as I got closer to it. The lid was just covered in leaves and little floofy things that had fallen off the tree. {I reeeeeeally didn't want to put the sandbox underneath the tree but it's the only logical place to put it when it comes down to Scarlett's sun-safety and Gregg's yard work}. I somehow managed to take off the lid and not ONE leaf/floofy thing fell off of it. That grossed me out... why are they stuck to it????? Then I eyeballed the sand. Holyyyyyyyyyy ... really?? Like nine florescent green worms are crawling around in there. Then I see a frigging sand-colored (camouflaged???) spider with like a weird bubble-stomach. I really almost vomited. Various dead gnats or whatever spotted the rest of the sand. I immediately grabbed her sifter and sifted every little asshole out of that box. I dumped them into the gravel and tried to crush what I could. She played for about five minutes until I decided that my heart was about to burst into flames and we were going for a walk.

So hours later here we are... sitting in the upstairs den. She carefully chooses colored blocks from a pile and drops them into a pillowcase. The rest she fits interestingly into the lid of a box. She "reads" her favorite Mickey Mouse Clubhouse books. She does somersaults, runs down the hall from room to room, works her puzzles and plays the xylophone. I think we're okay here. She's being creative, getting exercise, learning and playing. I'm calm, my blood pressure has returned to a safe level and my headache has even disappeared.

I will not deprive Scarlett of the joys of being a kid, playing outside all day and night -the way I always did before I became a ridiculous, irrational maniac. I will, however, pick and choose the time and place and possibly the pill prescription for myself.

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