August 8, 2012

the best nightmare EVAHHHH & other junk

Yes, it's been a month since I've written a post... tsk tsk. Get over it, people, I have things to do. Just kidding -- while I do have things to do I don't expect you to have to get over it. Nor do I expect that you've even noticed that my blog has been a cricket-fest for a month. Onward...

What's going on?

Baby girl is now ten and a half months old. Can you even stand it? No. You can't. It's incredibly frightening how quickly the weeks are flying off the calendar. Scarlett is awesome, enough said. (It's definitely not enough said ... I'll elaborate in an updated "Scarlett Letter" soon). The short of it is that she's very mobile - not walking but standing, bouncing, lunging etc. She has the best appetite and eats nearly everything I give her. Her naps aren't exactly ideal but she still gives me 12 hours at night, no complaints from me! Most recent fun accomplishment- turning all the pages of the books that I read to her. She gets a kick out of that instant gratification. Bonus is that I've learned to read super-fast before each page is history.

As for me, I'm keeping myself busy by planning her FIRST birthday. Designing her invitations, creating cupcake toppers and just coming up with pretty, little details - you know, my favorite things! Also known as 'the things that nobody else really pays attention to or ever notices'... but they sure do make ME happy! Definitely worthwhile. We've decided to keep her party relatively small. I know that some friends may feel a little left out when they don't receive an invite but we hope they'll understand. We have lots of family and friends and the guest list can quickly get out of hand. We need to keep the cost down so we can focus on the importance of the day and the guest of honor. While we'd love to host all of our friends we know that there will always be time for visits with our friends on other days!

I've recently rekindled my love for the library. Oh, don't be impressed just yet - I've read nothing but three Tori Spelling books and I'm working on Sarah Silverman's The Bedwetter now. Don't snicker, I really enjoyed reading about Ms. Spelling. After spending a month turning pages of the depressing survivor's accounts of the Titanic disaster, this fluff is a welcome change! It's refreshing to hit the pillow thinking about something other than the screams of drowning men and women for a change.

It's not all sunshine and rainbow fountains however. Even though I'm reading these easy-going books I still have whacked-out nightmares all the time. Last night's dream one thousand percent takes the award for most insanely-ridiculous-yet-pants-crapping-scary-tear-forcing-smack-in-the-face-deserving dream EVAHHHH. Don't give up - I know when someone says, "wanna know what I dreamed last night?" it's easy to say, "Nope" ... but trust me, you've never heard anything like this one. There I was - at a quaint Bed & Breakfast with Gregg and Scarlett. Cute, right? First thing I remember is waking up alone in my room. I looked around and noticed a thin rope tied to the bed-side table. What was hanging from the rope, you ask? Well... it was hands. It was the severed hands of Gregg and Scarlett. I was quickly whisked away into another room where all I could hear was my baby crying and screaming for me. I found my way out and passed a small office where I saw two witches conjuring. All I could think about was the fact that the loves of my life were somewhere in this house in agonizing pain, unable to free themselves and praying that I'll come to save them. Stealthily, I moved throughout this old Victorian nightmare. I found my way to the front door - and the baby's crying had become louder. As I ran to the front yard I saw two large pots and a guy dressed as a beer bottle. Wait. No. He wasn't dressed as a beer bottle - he WAS a beer bottle. And HE was Bill Paxton. Yup. Bill Paxton had been turned into a hiccuping, slurring beer bottle with a cartoon face by the same witches who chopped off the hands of my loves. I turned to the two pots - the crying was coming from the pot on the right. Oh my God, is my baby in that pot??? I lifted the lid to find a giant lobster and a shitload of seafood pasta. WTF??? --- wait, for it --- Did you guess it? No, I'm sure you didn't. The seafood pasta was Scarlett and the lobster was Gregg. The pasta (clams included) was crying in agony, "mamammamamamaaaaaaa maaaa maaaaaaaa" and Lobster Gregg was just chillin on the side, quiet. I woke up with tears in my eyes - and not because I was forced to meet Bill Paxton - it was clearly from hearing my baby girl cry in pain as I searched frantically for her. But quickly, I realized the STUPID behind this terror tale and I went back to sleep. Seriously, witches, you have a seafood pasta spell ???? I can't deny the image looked delicious.

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