I just felt like writing tonight. Not confident that this will be an earth-shattering post or anything but more like a barrel of mismatched socks. I just want to write. I can't tell if it's the upcoming full moon, the fact that it's the ten year anniversary of the unspeakable terrorist attacks on America, that I'm inspired by just finishing up a good book or that football is on the TV and I felt the need to scatter. Whatever it is ... it's in the air (and I'm not talking about the lingering smell of the turkey chili I made earlier).
Baby talk: I am now 37 weeks and 3 days along. Yep. This little star can make her appearance at any time. That's an exciting thought isn't it? And you'd THINK that I would be spending every moment of every day thinking about that but I'm not. In fact it crosses my mind just a few times a day. I think because I feel so prepared I have that peace of mind. I will say that I do worry a bit about how it will happen. Where will I be? Where will Gregg be? Will it be natural? Will I be induced? C-Section? Ack! So many random scenarios. But I don't obsess. It's going to play out the way it's intended to. I am still feeling pretty damned good at this point which is truly a blessing. Sure I have some heartburn but it doesn't stop me from eating the things that I love - i.e. spicy chili and tomato products. I can't always get into a comfortable position sleeping, my gut sometimes feels like it's busting out of my skin and the little nugget does enjoy jamming herself up into my ribs BUT overall - I feel really, very good! Can't wait to see her darling, little face and let her fill up my heart.
Reflection: Today I realized something very important. I am no longer a slave to others' judgement. I can't remember the last time I stopped to think about what people would say if I bought a certain item. If I like the boots, I'm buying them. It's that simple. You don't like them? Don't look at my feet. For the better part of my teens and throughout my twenties I was constantly worried about what people would think. Can I publicly like a certain band? Or get a different haircut? Or buy a wooden bracelet? Paint my nails pink during the winter? Go to THIS beach? Wear this perfume? Are my sunglasses the right shape? The list went on and on. SHALLOW much?? I was always second guessing the things that I loved. And who the F cares??? I can't believe how many years I spent just sacrificing these things for the acceptance of others. And it's not as though I bought or did OTHER things to please the crowd... I just didn't follow my heart and remained stuck in the same. So over the past few years I have had the pleasure of doing and buying whatever the hell I want. Life is too damned short. There is an amazing airy feeling about my life now. The heaviness has totally been lifted. I have cut out so much drama and many things that brought me down. I don't feel burdened anymore. We can't control everything in our lives but when we see an opening we need to jump on it. De-clutter. Get rid of the things that weigh on us daily. It's unbelievable how much better life can be at any given moment if we just remember that there are changes that we can make. Mini adjustments even. And to my friends who are in their twenties or maybe just hit 30 and don't know how to feel about it, I say this: FEEL AWESOME. My thirties have been the most comfortable years of my life so far. Everything has clicked into place. I wish I could go back to my 18 year old self and whisper into my ear that I'm going to be so, so happy one day so just suck it up, get through the tough times and anxiously await the happiest days of my life. I'd have liked to hear that. But I made it here regardless. And I'm proud of that.
I guess that's all I really wanted to say tonight. I sort of feel like I'm on a cloud... maybe it's all the spices from the chili haha. Anyway, I hope you take something away from this post. If you feel the need, take a quick evaluation of your life. What holds you back? What are you burdened by? Can you see any possible way of changing the situation? If so, I encourage you to do it. It can be soooo worth a little aggravation. Good luck! Cheers to a happy life!