March 8, 2012

coming clean ... a little

Me: "Mr. Mullen, remember when you duct taped my side mirror on my old Sundance after I hit that car?"

Mr. Mullen: "Of course."

My mom listened in on this conversation, HORRIFIED. Where were we? Church. For a friend's wedding ceremony. What better a place to come clean about past lies I'd told my mother than a church?

Isn't it funny how after a certain number of years pass we feel it is okay to start leaking the truth to our parents? As a teen I had my share of hidden gems and probably your share and your friends' share as well. I kept them tucked away in my memory and some written in code in my journal. These tales became twisted over the years as my memory isn't what it used to be. I often wonder how honest my truth actually is - am I even remembering it the right way?

I did a lot of foolish things after high school. I was carefree, reckless ... invincible. Or so I thought. I spent a lot of my nights partying. I looked to my friends to be my family. And they were. Or so I thought. My father did a lot of the same things I did so I didn't really think my parents had a case to argue. My mother had never been drunk a day in her life. She lumped pot in with crack and heroin. It was all the same to her. She was nosy and overprotective. Or so I thought. I remember her demanding that I stay home just one night a week - and I refused. WHY would I ever do that? (Now, to get me out of the house on a Saturday night it has to be well worth my while). I did whatever I wanted to do. I stayed out all hours of the night, didn't come home at all a lot of times. How could my parents stop me? They couldn't shackle me up in the cricket playground (cellar). They couldn't take my car from me since I bought it and paid for my insurance. What were their options?

I filled the calendar years with harmless white lies. I figured what they didn't know wouldn't put them in the ground. When the passenger side mirror was hanging from my car I explained to my mother that some cretin must have hit my car in the parking lot while I was working. I think she actually felt bad for me (which kind of breaks my heart) - if she even fell for it. The truth: I had hit a car while backing down a street clumsily and chose to speed away and avoid that street for two weeks. It wasn't until six years had passed that I fessed up - to my mom anyway. (I still feel horrible about the hit and run. Feel free to think even less of me).

Slowly I am fessing up to a lot of the dumb things I did during those years. What made me feel so cool back then makes me feel like a huge asshole now. Funny how that happens, huh?

Becoming a mother has made me aware of sooooooooo many things. I look at the world with different peepers for sure. The mere thought of Scarlett doing to me (and my husband) what I've done to my parents is almost too much to handle. I will deserve every rotten word she says to me and I'll need this post to remind me of why I am being punished after being such a loving and gracious mom.

Sorry, Mom. Those crappy years were just my stepping stones. I needed to treat you like dirt to become a wonderful person I guess. Hehe.

Do you come clean as years pass or are you keeping your secrets forever? 
Has becoming a mother changed the way you look at your own past life?

12 comments:

  1. I think my mother wishes I kept some things a secret til this day lol. She knows basically all the shitty stupid drunken stupor things I've done. Being a mom makes me think about that alot. I know she's gonna do stupid stuff, I just hope she trusts me enough and that we have a relationship where she can tell me then not 20 yrs later. My mom was crazy strict and not very open to any teenage stuff so that didn't help my sneaking around. Thankfully I joined the military so at 18 I was half way across the world and could do whatever ;) as long as it wasn't illegal and I didn't miss formations ;)

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    1. HA! Yeah, good for you for getting into some structured environment. That's what I needed. It is A M A Z I N G how much we mature after the age of I'd say 25. I was pretty good during high school, just the typical partying "experimenting" and stuff but I went bananas after .. for YEARS. The good thing is - she aint getting ANYTHING past me. I know all the tricks!

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  2. Haha my dad still doesn't know I have a tatoo ... and I got it 5 years ago! He also didn't know I hit a Sonic sign until we sold my car and he saw the gash in the hood. OOPS. Chris was much more rebellious than I was though. I am TERRIFIED of Emmie being a teenager lol.

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    1. I find it hilarious that you hit a Sonic sign for for some reason haha! My husband was a good boy ... I definitely have it coming. SO terrified!! lol

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  3. I would certainly say that my view has changed a lot since I've become a mom. I have come clean about a lot of stuff with my mother, but I am not sure if she appreciated it. She is the kind of person who would rather not know... I feel like I have a different kind of responsibility now and life is just too short for bullshit and not being honest. I tell it like it is (as tactful as I possibly can)...
    Now that my daughter is a teenager and my son is getting there fast I brace myself for what's gonna happen, but I have nothing but admiration for my kids and how they behave so far. I know when I was almost 15 like my daughter now I was BAD and she is such a good kid.
    Whatever happens, I want to make sure my kids feel like they can make their mistakes and I won't judge them or wish rotten kids on them when they become parents (like my mom did with me - funny how her wish was not granted:))

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    1. Funny you should say that - my mom is totally the "don't tell me, I don't even wanna know" mom - like yours. But I tell her anyway, not EVERYTHING, I don't want her to be committed!

      I applaud your honesty and I agree with your views. When I hit 30 the "life is just too short for bullshit" mantra kicked in and i LOVE IT.

      I hope your babies live their teens well and remain the good kids they are today. Thanks so much for reading (and RT'ing!)

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  4. Oh my God. Don't even get me started! I'm pretty sure you witnessed plenty of the dumb shit I used to lie to my mom about! With parents like Eric and I how will Jude get away with anything?

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    1. I KNOW! That's how I feel. She's not getting anything past me, I know all the tricks and symptoms ... although if they keep up with things like vodka-soaked tampons ... we might be in for it.

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  5. I always hung out with guys in high school. So whenever I went out, I had to add a few girls names to the list of people that i was going out with just so dad wouldn't get mad. He still doesn't know the most of it. Mom knows a lot more. I do worry for my future child though. Claudio was a saint when it came to drugs, but I'm always getting warned by his sister, that it's coming back to me with this kid. Oh know my future is doomed to have a child just like Claudio. Hopefully it'll just get his good morals and that's IT!

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    1. JENIIIII!!! I HAD NO IDEA YOU WERE PREGNANT!!! oooohhh my goodness CONGRATULATIONS!!! I bet you aren't even going to check this comment reply - - - best best best best wishes honey!! Love you guys!! xoxo

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    2. Thanks Sheri! We're super excited! I'll be 15 weeks tomorrow. Also don't tell Claudio I called him Satan! JK he knows. :)

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    3. 15 weeks!! :) what is your due date? oh I'm so excited for you. we found out the sex last year on May 5th so you're not too far off from our dates!! how are you feeling??? send me a fb message :)

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