February 3, 2012

My uniform

My intentions are always good. I approach the closet with a hopeful albeit naive mindset. I'll find a cute outfit for tomorrow. I can wear those jeans with those brown boots and that striped shirt with the turquoise necklace and a single, silver, bangle bracelet with my gray bag. Simple task, right? Well, that idea is blasted away as quickly as it came to me. I do reach for these pieces, I do try them on together and (to the layperson) it DOES look okay. (So I'm told). But what the "layperson" sees and what I see are two very different images. For instance, my husband will say, "it looks fiiiiiiiine" or "YES! I like it - I already told you that!" ... but clearly he isn't looking in the right places. He simply sees a curvy, short girl in an outfit. IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII see so much more than that.

Dissecting the outfit: 

The jeans that I absolutely LOVE, that fit like a glove, that are the perfect wash and have been hemmed specifically to be crammed into my boots are no longer "skinny" enough. They have somehow stretched a bit and the dryer just won't mend them. This means that my favorite pair of jeans will have to wait until flip flop season. Or until I break down and buy my first pair of flats. (I'll never do it).

Moving on, I'm having issues with my boots lately ... 

Adorable at first, yes, but now when I look at them all I see is how flared out they are at the top! What the hell?? This picture doesn't do it justice. I feel like Robin Hood or a weird yet kinda fashionable pirate. Frig. I will continue to wear them because I had them on my wishlist and they were a gift from my hubby. I love them all over again in the pic. Maybe I can staple them shut haha.

The striped shirt? LOVE IT. But it really does hug my curves and I'm not comfortable with that. I feel like I'll be tugging at it allllll night and conscious of who is seeing me from what angle. Who needs that?

The accessories all looked great, naturally. Easiest part of an outfit, right? But after my eyes have been burned with the image of this catastrophic ensemble - I am resorting to wearing my "uniform". My go-to outfit. Jeans + a black shirt. My safe jeans that are comfortable yet not as snug as I'd like but long enough for me to wear ANY pair of heels with. And any one of the thousand black shirts from the dark-side of my closet. Ho Hum. The accessories will still help it out a bit but at the end of the day it's still a background outfit. In most of my photos from the past few years I'm in my uniform. I can't tell if they were taken four years ago or last night. Well, I guess the emerging crows feet will help solve that puzzle.

I do put together cute outfits. The style in my head is ADORABLE. But what I take off the rack and put onto my 5'1" body always tells a far different story than the mannequin might. I love Rachel Zoe's style ... and Nicole Richie's ... and so many more. I suppose I could wear anything, if I let myself. 

Make no mistake - I don't wish to have the perfect body - I wish to not be self conscious. That is MUCH more valuable in my book.


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