There are so many instances in daily life that call for a great, big, sarcastic Thank You. It amazes me how many complete strangers know exactly which buttons of mine to press to instantly make me irate. I can be grinning from ear to ear, singing along to Fleetwood Mac one minute and then beating the hell out of the steering wheel and chucking the finger out of the car window the next.
So, I have decided that from time to time in this here blog I will post my 'thank-yous' to all of the wonderful people out there who have made my life miserable, for even just one tiny second. I haven't forgotten you, and to prove it here is your personal thank you.
Let's start with my darling neighbors...
I would like to thank you:
For never offering to help me carry extremely heavy and awkward boxes no matter how hard I am struggling. I realize that it isn't your heavy box so that automatically makes you exempt from lending a hand.
For spending ten minutes snow-blowing your own driveway while watching me shovel mine for three hours and not even make a dent. I know it would be excruciating for you to walk over and spend ten more minutes helping me so it's best that I finish it on my own and spend the next three days in extreme discomfort.
For detailing your car constantly while blasting your favorite music with all four doors and trunk open on any day that doesn't happen to be raining. It's wonderful that you take so much pride in keeping your car clean. I really appreciate the way it shines as you drive by at 3 a.m. with T-Pain blaring. I think you've nailed the appropriate amount of speakers and sub-woofers. Great job! In fact, the entire cul-de-sac would like to thank you in person very soon.
For not keeping your domestic disputes private. I really am flattered that you think of us as that close of friends. Each time I hear you swearing and shouting at your children and man friends it really warms my heart to think that you don't keep any secrets from me. I don't think I will ever be able to return that favor but maybe someday I can make it up to you with a quick 9-1-1 call or something.
And lastly, for never looking in my direction when we are both outside. I didn't really want you to wave or smile back at me, I was just doing it out of habit. My mistake. I know that to reciprocate would have taken up too much of your time and God knows how precious that is. It's best that we make off that we are all invisible.